Chapter 13. Everything in New York Isn't Always What It Seems....

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! lol

Chapter 13

"Now you’re in NEW YORK, concrete jungle where walls are made of, there’s nothing you WILL do.Cause you're in New Yoooork, you'll be wondering why you flew, he won't even be into youuuuu"

I've said this before, I am a risk taker, in every sense of the word. I believe that even when it comes to dating. The greater the risk the greater the reward can be. That being said, there is always a chance that you take a risk and there is no reward.

That seemed to be the case with a 2^nd date I went on. I flew to the East Coast for this. New York.

Date number 1 went as well and as successful as I think a first date should go: Great dinner, great conversation, and romantic. What a nice feeling. He was in California visiting for work and we met up. I felt a connection with him which was a nice change from what I had experienced on other 1st dates.

…..6 months later. (why 6 months? Where’s the inbetween? Well read on)

I'm not sure if they have cell service in New York because I didn’t hear much from him after our first date. He’s a busy guy and travels all the time for work; literally all the time for work. I get that. Communication was sparse, which began to be quite off putting. I was getting over it very fast, though I couldn’t forget that when we went out, there was something there…something I don’t feel on every date. I held on to that feeling, and went with that when 6 months after our first date he said he would be home a while, and I should go out to visit him for the New Year. Boy, did that sound nice...I had a gut feeling though. A feeling telling me, he hadn’t made the effort to keep in touch with me much before, so how could he be interested.

He’s busy though-yeah, but even the President himself is not as busy as this guy claimed to be. So he’s not that interested?…Well maybe he is because he wants me to go out there.

So I go. I didn’t know what to expect. Not like he had been pining away for me for 6 months, the guy hardly even texted me. I was honestly surprised he wanted me to go see him…still holding on to that feeling though…NO WAY would he fly me out all the way from California to spend time with him right?..and the NEW YEAR at that! Oh yeah, he’s interested..has to be. I mean, it’s me- and I’m great. He’s a smart guy, I have no worries.

I arrive….

He has a car waiting for me to be picked up…random, usually someone picks you up from the airport, not some stranger with your name on a sign but whatever, I take it this is how New Yorkers roll, so I go. I get in the car. The driver “Muhktar” tells me what a great city I’m in and I’m in for a great time. You’re telling me! I’m going to see a handsome, charming, and witty guy in one of the most fun cities ever. Oh yeah, this trip is going to be blast. Albeit, short, but a blast. Muhktar and I quickly made friends. I was like a kid in a candy store. I was smiling from ear to ear because I’m in the city…a REAL city. I could have people watched all day. My cheeks actually hurt from smiling so much on the drive. He had stories to tell me about everything while on my ride to this guy's place.

As I’m on my way there, my guy texted me saying he had gotten little sleep, was extremely exhausted and I need to cut him some slack.

Well ok, I just flew across the country and MY vacation was just starting. I’m ready to see some sights! I was hoping he would wake up by the time I got there.

I texted him back saying if he wanted to sleep I could go hang out somewhere. He said no worries.

I thought if he wasn’t ready for me, I could go hang out somewhere and make friends. Again, he said no worries though.

I get there. I was happy to see him, he seemed happy to see me. We went to dinner and I enjoyed that and some small talk. Ok, great start to my vacation so far. We were actually one of those gross couples in the restaurant, not making out, but affectionate. I didn’t care. My time with him was limited. I was going to do what I wanted…take that onlookers!

Great dinner and good drinks. Ok, he seems interested. Can only get better from here??

After dinner we just went back to his place. We talked a while. Well he talked. There was a lot of talk but not much conversation if that makes sense…

After a few hours I started to get the feeling that ok, he’s not interested in getting to know anything about me..odd, this isn’t how our first date went…

There was chemistry there physically so that would soon overcome my feeling of his lack of interest in me intellectually, emotionally, or anything else.

New Years Eve morning, I woke up and got ready while he slept. He was hosting a dinner party for friends that night so I thought we would have some time to go explore the city a little, as his friends weren’t coming till around 8.

He wakes up at 1 pm and says “you're all dressed and ready to go?” I was ready but by the looks of things, he sure wasn’t. He said “I’m going to go back to sleep” He didn’t get up till 3:45. Guess we aren’t doing anything today. I tried to be sympathetic as he has problems sleeping. His job has him on this odd schedule. So I just kept my mouth shut and told him if he needed to rest, he should.

Ok, before flying out there, I did say “if we never leave your place that would be fine” Not thinking he would take that literally but even so, thought he would at least be up watching TV with me, keeping me company, cuddling, something… not sleeping.

We had just enough time to go run errands, grocery shop, come back, and get ready for his dinner party that night. He was doing all of the cooking so he would need plenty of time to do that before then.

It’s around 6 by this time and I was bored…so I said “can I have a drink?” He says “Wow, didn’t know you were such an alcoholic”

Really??!!! Is that the pot smoker calling the kettle black? (yeah he smokes weed) Give me a break dude. I said: “I’m on vacation” and well, it wasn’t like we were going anywhere any way. –SO BRING ON THE DRINKS!

His friends show up; great people. We are conversing, drinking, laughing, just having a nice time. We all were at this point. Great food; oh yeah the guy can cook, like it’s his job-wow, sooo good, great atmosphere. I’m happy now because well, everyone is engaging with each other. I was getting to know his friends, what they did for a living, how they knew my guy, and I was telling them about myself. I even told them about my blog.

They would comment once in a while about how he would go into the other room to get on the internet instead of being with us…one of his friends said “you should make sure to right about THAT! He should be in here with you…not looking up stuff online” I just laughed because I didn’t care….I had already gotten the impression he wasn’t interested in me romantically and besides, I had them to talk to. I was interested in getting to know them and them, me so I didn’t mind, though I did notice. His friends loved him to pieces though; not one bad thing to say about him as a person other than jokes and friendly jabs.

After ringing in the New Year, we head to a bar and met some of his friends there too. Again, no one had one bad thing to say. In fact, praise all around. Encouraging me in fact, “he’s such a nice guy, not a ladies man at all, so super sweet” "What I'm sorry, so super sleepy?" "No, sweet, sweeeeeet" "Oh, oh I see"

I’m having a great time…there are people! I got a nice little taste of his city and I was thoroughly enjoying myself. I guess it was nice for him too because he didn’t have to babysit me…I'm pretty good at making friends on my own. The time at the bar was short lived. Bar shut down shortly after we got there. We go home and I went to bed… alone… at around 6 in the morning. I think he stayed up on the internet.

The next day or later that day rather, his cousin invited us to brunch.

On our 35 minute drive; not much conversation….oh well. Once we get to brunch, I met his cousin, his cousin’s wife, and their two adorable kids. We sat at the table and it wasn’t long before I was conversing with everyone and I felt pretty comfortable. The cousins invite us to their home. We must have spent at least 4 hours there. My guy, myself, and his cousins were just talking, and it was fun. They were amazing people. I was a little sad to leave. I wish I could have packed them in my suitcase and brought them back to San Diego. I gave them big hugs when I left.

We get in the car and silence again on the way home. At this point, I was just used to it.

When we get back we actually spent a little time together and he told me he had gotten a text from his cousin saying how great, funny, smart, and pretty I was. So nice I thought…so why didn’t he see that?

I had such an easy time with everyone …and I mean everyone I met while on this trip. We would talk, laugh, talk more, and it was all so easy…just natural conversation, so why not with him?

I was sad to figure that his cousins and friends knew more about me in one day than he even bothered to get to know in four.

Maybe he feels like he’s always “on” for people, always having to entertain, and with me, he didn’t have to do all that…..I don’t know, may never know as we didn’t communicate much.

Disappointed, my time there was now running out…and it didn’t seem to bother him at all.

In the morning, I got up, got ready, we hugged like buddies and I left.

He asked for me to text when I got home. I did, did NOT hear back from him at all. Not that I expected to.

I don’t get it really. Why I ignored my instincts, why I refused to believe he wasn’t interested, long before I went over there. Why do we do this? Why do we try anyway? Maybe because we are hopeful, and we never really know the outcome, and are hoping for the best, guess that's all we can do anyway.

The whole time I was there I felt like more of a bother than anything. He had this energy about him this time and I just felt like I was in his way. He seemed frustrated most of the time I was there.

At one point on New Years Eve, I had actually looked up flights to leave one day earlier than I was supposed to. That’s how much I felt like I was bothering him. There was even a point where I got hungry but hesitated to ask him if I could order some take out…or something! Usually when you have guests you make sure they aren’t going hungry right?? It all left me wondering if he was just counting down to the moment I left.

But why introduce me to your friends and family? Well, I also figured that some guys just don’t think that’s a big deal. It’s fine. So he thought I was just a girl, where he thought just by me going there was enough. No need to woo me at all I guess.

Mother fucker, fuck you, shut the fuck up. All in my vocabulary, but please don't address me with them ever. He never said them in a rude way, I'm just not comfortable with those words towards me though. You can say them to other people...just not at me. Again, maybe how New Yorkers talk? Not something I want to get used to, and yet another sign he wasn't romantically interested.

I was torn for a bit because though he didn’t really want much to do with me on an intellectual level, there were some undeniable tender moments, moments where he was vulnerable and I enjoyed that, and to be that comfortable around someone is hard to find. In fact, to find someone to be able to just “be” with is hard to find….

I didn’t need much, but maybe if he would have been interested in getting to know me, or maybe just actually being with me instead of sleeping, or being pre-occupied with whatever else he had going on…that would have been enough.

I mean, when his friends came over, and while at his cousins, I didn’t need to be anywhere else….

I didn’t go out there expecting to create a relationship, but I thought we could at least continue on the connection I was thinking was still there. I didn’t think he would make it so abundantly clear that he wasn't trying to get attached, and make it so clear that he didn't want a relationship either.

Once I got the impression he wasn’t trying at all, I stopped trying too. I gave up pretty much talking all together. I would say random things here and there which I am sure made me look like an idiot. Complete silence then: “Look at the pretty snow!”…silence. "Wow, really?" he must have thought. Well at least she can help me clean and grocery shop…good little Mexican.

I could have brought it up to him. I could have asked him about why he wasn’t really trying to get to know me. I could have asked a million things. But why, when it’s that clear that he’s not romantically interested?

Maybe he’s jaded by women, and he feels at this point no matter how little he tries the women will come around anyway (As I’m sure they do) So he doesn’t have to try. As he gets further in his career the adoration from all around increases as well, and well, there are tons of beautiful women out there.

For a little while, I even forgot about what he did for a living, I cared only to get to know him as a person, maybe that that's not what he was looking for though.He could be in a place where he enjoys the attention from random women, as he makes his way up the career ladder...Just hope he remembers it can get lonely at the top.

I could sit and analyze this thing forever but I have too much to offer,and my time is too precious to worry about why he didn't like me so in my best New York accent: "It's not my prwablem"

Are You Into Fitness?

I have heard back from many men after the last post. I understand that it may be hard to address their women and the fact that they aren't giving them head or aren't doing it enough...

I can make this part pretty simple for you.

Just ask her: "Are you into fitness?" (The answer is either yes or no. Either response will work for this)

She says, yes or no. Then you say: "Then how bout fit n dis dick in yer mouth?"

Heyohhhhh! If that doesn't work...I don't know what will!

Downtown..Things Will Be Great When You're Downtown"

Sex in my opinion is an extremely important part of a relationship…if not THE most important thing. That includes GOING DOWN.

In fact, it should be first date conversation: “How many brothers and sisters, do you have? Do you go down? You don’t? Ok, nice meeting you.” That’s right….if you don’t go down, that is cause for dismissal before even being hired! Why even date someone who doesn’t? I sure as hell wouldn’t.

I am focusing on women in this post because my girlfriend and I had a conversation over lunch and could not believe we have actually encountered women that don’t do this, or even like doing it! Also, I have found the specific words to come from the mouths of some women to be “It’s gross” (Disclaimer: I am not a fan of these women).

I don’t think I have ever met a guy who thinks it’s gross…. Oh wait, my gay friends.

How is it gross? What are we 12? As far as I’m concerned if you are an adult, it shouldn’t gross you out. It’s not nasty. It’s hot. And if you think otherwise, you should probably get that checked out…

I have heard stories…and it saddens me. “My girlfriend/wife doesn’t like it. She thinks it’s gross.” My response to a married friend of mine was “and you actually MARRIED this woman?” You should know well in advance if she’s going to perform oral sex on you…before she’s even your girlfriend you should get the answer to that one. It’s best to get it out of the way and ask up front…why even wait to see? I mean when you buy a car, do you ask about the features AFTER you buy?

I don’t like selfish women. I have a problem with being friends with women like this, why? Because I feel like women have come so far in trying to be independent and having the upper hand in business and in our personal lives. You should have your business in line and in check and, your man pleased so he does not care to wander. Just cover all of your bases.

Now if you are asking….Why should you do this for your man? Because it feels good to him! You want him to feel good don’t you? You like receiving it don’t you? But you don’t like to give it? You suck….but not literally I guess. Something’s wrong with you. Oh wait, you don’t care if you get it either? Something’s still wrong with you.

I mean, tis better to give than receive right?

Ladies, you should enjoy going down on your man. If anything, it should turn you on, that it turns him on. I don’t know of a guy that doesn’t like getting head. If he acts like doesn’t like it or care for it…bottom line…it’s because you’re doing it wrong!

If you aren’t good at it…take a class, ask a girlfriend…ask your man how he likes it and then as the saying goes “ Practice makes Perfect” The effort alone I assure you will be appreciated.

One thing I can’t stand is a selfish person. Don’t be that guy or girl that expects to get it but not give it.

Sex, oral included, should be fun…and of course most importantly….PLEASURABLE! I know we think guys can be super simple and just intercourse alone should be good for them, but guys LOOOOVE head…they just do. So just give it to them because 9 out of 10 times, he’s more than happy to give it to you!

I have heard of Women thinking he will lose respect for her if she gets too freaky….

I read this article and paid particular attention to Myth #5 The “Madonna Whore” portion http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating-advice/671330. A guy (that is not gay) is going to want you to explore that sexy, hot side of the relationship and doesn’t want you to be afraid. Trust that he wants you to be sexual and freaky in bed with him.

It is not wrong, gross, or otherwise. Oral sex is just as important as intercourse. Your excuses of not wanting to do it, get tiring and you don’t want your man going elsewhere for it..do you?

Ladies, get right on this if you aren’t already…or just…get left.

This gets me thinking of the Dr. Seuss rhyme to get it through your heads…to give head to get ahead…in your relationship.

You may start as the skeptical “Sam I am” but with some time and practice….

You will be saying….

"I do! I do like giving head. I do like it in my bed, I do like it by the shed, I do like it in my house. I do like it on the couch, I do like it with my spouse. I do like it in my car. I do like it near or far, I do like it here, or there, I do like giving head anywhere.…."

Even if you think it’s a “job” and tedious, tiring, and gross. DO IT anyway. Keep doing it…until you like it.

Try it, try it in a tree, try it, try it and you will see….

That’s not Dr. Seuss kids….that’s Dr. SeDuss. Enjoy his “green eggs and ham” just remember it’s your job to make sure his “eggs” don’t turn blue.

Too Much Too Soon?

When it comes to honesty, is there a such thing as too much too soon? The 25 yr old and I went out on ONE date and he has not stopped going on and on about how much he's intrigued and likes me but....not enough to wait I guess.

He confessed to sleeping with someone yesterday. We aren't together, he didn't owe me any kind of explanation, confession...again, we went out ONCE.

Is this just him showing his age because he was like a little horny dog that couldn't invest time with me and wait to see if it would lead to intimacy? Or did he do the right thing by doing more than most Men would by coming clean though we are not a couple at all? I don't know...I can't help but be turned off by his actions though I do respect his honesty. Where does one go from here? Wondering if I have something special here or if this is a douche bag for the books...my normal "I don't put up with SHIT" feeling is telling me....he can't keep it in his pants.

Honest Abe

I just got back on Match.com. If for nothing else, thought it would provide with more writing material. Well, Match does NOT disappoint. I haven't even gone on a date yet and I already have some writing material.

A while ago....long while ago..I'm talking maybe 3 years ago. I went on a date with someone from match. We had a drink or two, a few laughs; nothing more. We talked after the date but his schedule was so busy we never had the chance to meet up again. No big deal, no major sparks, so no loss.

I never thought about that guy again. In fact completely forgot about our date.

I get back on match, just recently, and so was he. He decided to say hi:

"Round 2 huh LoLo? Just wanted to say hi"

I responded with: "Round 2? More like round, 3,4 and 5 lol"

He responded with this: "Can I take you out for a drink again?"

I had to think, we went out on a date? It was so long ago I didn't remember and well, the date must have not been that good because it didn't stick out in my mind to remember either.

So I responded with this:


"Again? We went out for a drink? Wait, I vaguely remember that... so that can't be good. And the fact that it's been THAT long before you asked me out again....can't be a good thing either."

I had to really think, did I go out with him already? I remember laughing a lot. Come to think of it though, I'm always laughing. So wait a minute, am I the only one having a great time on these dates? Have I learned to entertain myself so well that I'm not concerned if they are having fun or not?

I digress...

I didn't know if he would respond. He did.

THIS was his response, word for word:

"I understand and you're totally justified - let me splain. You see this is my round 2, I dated a girl I met off of here shortly after we went on our date - for over a year and a half, and then even though she was on the pill I somehow managed to get her pregnant. I didn't want to have any more kids and she did so things got really messed up when I asked her to get an A-word. Eventually I wore her down and she went through with the procedure but we ended the relationship a couple of months after...It was brutal!

Tres Mujeres stuff huh?

You're gorgeous and smart and you seemed really driven, but you seemed a little detatched and aloof during our date - and that's cool cause that's how I am and despite all that I had a good time because you're like the female version of me. Cirumstances just led me in a different direction that's all. "

I didn't know what to say. I didn't respond. Don't plan to. On to the next....

Wow. I can't imagine being that girl. How awful to have to deal with a guy like that. Maybe it's just me but there seems to be a tone like "can you believe this chick wanted to have children! The nerve!"

He was honest...a little too honest but I am grateful that he was. I can respect that he was, but from that email I know he's not for me. I am all for having fun, but what if it did go into a long relationship and I ended up being that girl. That would put me in therapy for sure. To have a man tell you "I don't want this baby, though you do, get rid of it" would be beyond traumatizing.

I'm just glad that wasn't me. I don't know what kind of parent I will be. I do want kids though. I will start with one...keep the receipt in case it doesn't work out lol...and go from there. Unless I am not meant to have children, no one other than Mother Nature herself will tell me I will not have kids.

If you are man enough to stick your dick in a girl...be man enough to deal with the responsibilities. The next time you have sex with someone unprotected....think "Do I want children with this person?"

I am not against abortion. I do however, have a problem with people who use abortion as birth control. Grow the fuck up and "wrap it BEFORE you tap it" Ladies, think about who you are lying down with. Sex IS a big deal and sometimes, shit happens. Is that person going to stick by your decision, should something happen? Or "wear you down" to do what they want?

Chapter 12 "Good Cop Bad Date. Assault with a deadly tongue..ouch!"

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! lol

Chapter 12

“Step back from the girl and put the tongue away!” A kiss should not be with a stabbing tongue!

That’s the only thing I thought after this boy kissed me. Why did my friend try and set me up…. again?

I get a text from my girlfriend:

Her: “Hey girl, seeing anyone? I got this great guy for you”

Me: “I don’t think so girl, we’ve tried this once before remember?”

Her: “I know but I swear, he’s cute and nice and funny, and he’s a cop”

I was hesitant at first because no offense to those in uniform, but they tend to have major egos. My brother-in-law is a prime example of that. He’s a firefighter and there are literally a dozen pictures at my sisters house of him in action…in the living room alone.

Me: “Hmm, sounds like an ego”

Her: “No girl, I swear he’s super nice”

Me : “ok I guess”

What’s the harm in it….right?

The back story to this is that this friend of mine has tried to hook me up before….long story short, the guy cut his hair for me because she told him I wasn’t interested in him because he had long hair…she failed to mention to him that I just wasn’t interested in him as a whole.

One evening while I’m at dinner with her and her husband, he walks in. She had invited him to join us which I was not aware of. So in walks this guy with now…short hair.

I asked him why he cut it and he said, “Because she said you didn’t like long hair”…Poor guy. I hated to have to explain the reality of things but she was the one who told him his hair was the problem and I had to straighten it all out now.

Back to this disaster….

She gives him my number. We set up the date.

This could have given me an indication that he was too needy. Before we went out on date 1, he text the following: “I’m excited for tonight”

Me: “Yeah, me too, should be fun!

Him: “Awww I think you meant “It WILL be right?:(”

(Ok yeah whatever you say dude, will be)

He seemed a bit insecure…he called several times before the date to make sure I was ok with the location, and the time…and the location, and the time…and the (well you get the picture) my responses of “that sounds perfect” were not good enough I guess?

So he comes to pick me up….and I immediately realize, I’m not physically attracted to this guy. Oh well, fuck it, I’m going to be with him for several hours so I’m just going to get to know him a bit and enjoy the evening.

One thing to know about me…I am never rude on a date. I will, no doubt, have a great time, unless you are a complete dick. I know how to laugh, how to make people laugh and how to engage in conversation. So, yes it’s safe to say date #1 will always go well unless again, the aforementioned happens. I find people and their stories interesting so it’s not too difficult for me to have a good time. As well as the fact that those that know me well, know I often make myself laugh so I’m usually smiling and laughing no matter where I am or who I am with.

I can see how it would look like I’m attracted to them when in fact I’m not.

There is in fact a difference though in how I act when I do like someone. When I like them, I am touchy with them…and flirty with them. Not overtly so but there is a difference.

Ok, so we are laughing and talking. He took me to have drinks at Altitude which is a great spot for an incredible view of San Diego. Then dinner in Coronado on the Water which he says he took me to because he was listening to me during conversation and remembered that I enjoy outdoor dining and just anything near the water.

Looking back on this date, it’s funny now, that I say he was “listening” to me because the way the rest of this thing played out, it’s like he never listened at all.

So he brings me home from date #1. I had fun, but was still not attracted. He insisted on walking me to my door. I felt it coming, I knew he was going to kiss me and I didn’t want him to.

He was a nice guy and as I have said before looks aren’t everything but as I have referenced in other blogs, one thing I can’t physically get past is…teeth. Just remember my motto: “White is right,” “Yellow will not bring a kiss to a fellow”

His teeth were bad. Guys it’s not hard, get some white strips..make em shine!

As I walk in my door he goes in for the kiss. I didn’t want it but for a second thought, maybe the kiss will put me past my lack of attraction towards him....

Well, not so much.

He stabbed and jabbed with that tongue…like he was trying to subdue a fleeing suspect. I pulled away immediately! Whoa, isn’t the motto “To Protect and Serve not “To Penetrate and Sever” Jeez, for fucks sake!! I quickly said “okiiie dokiiiie, goodnight”

He had a few drinks so out of friendly concern told him to text me when he got home so I know he was home safe. The phone rang soon after. I figured he was calling to tell me he got home safely.

Instead, he proceeded to have a conversation with me about how much fun he had. Not a bad thing but it was close to 2 am and I wanted to get to bed.

Day after date #1, he called to ask me out again; called me several times that day in fact. He also text: “Had an amazing time last night, did you?”

Me: “Yeah I had a good time, thank you again so much for everything”

Him: “Awww you mean you had a great time right?:(”

I should have sensed I had another whiny cry baby biatch on my hands. But you always give the benefit of the doubt no? Or am I the only one?

I thought it might be a problem but he seemed nice so I thought maybe if I hung out with him again today, I would feel a spark…………………………………………………..

Nope, nothing. He even brought me a dozen beautiful red roses.

He took me to dinner in Little Italy. I was laughing and engaging with him still….Maybe we could at least have a friendship?

Not so much…he began making all these plans with me… Cop ride along (wow, fun I thought, maybe I can help him arrest some crack heads) But I had to remember that I wasn’t attracted to him and didn’t want to lead him on. I thought maybe he would pick up on that but would still want to hang out. He invited me to a Padre Game and a Chargers Game that week. Right then, I thought ok, maybe this “he will be my friend” thing isn’t going to work. He clearly wanted more.

Dinner was over. I was ready to go home as I had to be at work early the next day so getting home by 8 pm sounded perfect to me. We walk out of the restaurant and I see a Silver Audi parked in front. Holy shit, it was my friend’s car. The girl who hooked me up with this guy was in Little Italy. She lived in the area but what are the chances of us running into her right then….

I kept trying to avoid my girlfriend and her conversation at all costs because she would ask a million and one questions and exclaim her disappoint in me for me not being interested and ruining her fantasy of her hubby and her having couples night with him and I and doing cheesy things like playing card games and shit. Whatevs. There are a ton of Audis Downtown but she has a personalized license plate. Well lo and behold, it’s her car. My heart starts racing because now, now she’s going to think “It’s clearly working out! Hoooray!” Well I tried to walk fast but ran into her husband who was sitting outside at Princess Pub. Then she comes over. She was surprised and aside from her sheer excitement that we were together, we ended up all having a great time. We all laughed had a few drinks and my attempt to get home at 8 changed to closer to midnight. Time flies when you’re having fun.

As we are leaving he starts to apologize “I feel really bad, I’m sorry for keeping you out later than you wanted”

Me: “oh gosh no, I had so much fun. My cheeks are hurting from all the laughing”

2 minutes later: “I feel really bad, I hope you aren’t mad at me”

Me: “Not at all. Listen if I am having a bad time, I will be clear about it. I was having a great time. It was unexpected fun.”

He kept apologizing on the way to my house. I got it then…. This fool DOES NOT listen.

I am getting pissed now. Last time I checked I can take care of myself and would appreciate if you don’t baby me like you forced me to stay out later than I wanted.

I get home and he again insisted he walk me to the door. I didn’t want him to because I knew he was going to try and kiss me again. He had been drinking so again I said: “Text me when you get home so I know you’re cool”

We are at my door I walk in and stood far from him.

He wanted to kiss me and proceeds to gesture me towards him (as I am now standing about 5 feet from him) with literally the wave that cops do while directing traffic…and says: “Come here” I didn’t.

If I’m far from you, (and you are not smooth) doing a traffic directional cop wave “come here” will unfortunately not turn me on. He really did that…with both hands in fact! It looked like a sort of mix between traffic directing cop and a mob boss: Can you picture it? “Come ova heaaah” I was frightened and amused at the same time because now in a matter of seconds I had pictured him saying “come ova heeahh” just like that. I guess he didn't pick up that me standing far from him to begin with, was probably a good indication that I didn't want a kiss.

I usually love it when a guy kisses me and holds my face but as I clearly resisted, he ended up just smashing my cheeks together. At one point…I’m sure the look on my face was that a fish.

He came to me and tried to kiss me again. I kept my lips tight this time. Though he tried to stick that jabbing tongue in there, I kept my mouth closed. When he finally left I checked for stab wounds…nope all clear. Whew!

So I wash up and get ready for bed.

Not more than 30 minutes later my phone rings. Surprise, surprise, it’s him. I didn’t answer. I thought, he would just leave a message telling me he’s home safe.

He left a Voicemail:“Hey it’s me, give me a call when you get a chance”

(Ummm, I have to be at work in a few hours what would we have to discuss right now?)

*Now, there are 2 extremes: When a boy doesn’t call you or text, that’s of course bad. But when they are calling you 10 + times a day, that’s far worse. There’s a balance!*

12:07 text message: “Tried calling you, you didn’t answer :(” (I did not respond)

12:10 Another call.

12:14 Another text: “Hope you’re not mad at me for keeping you out too late” (he really didn’t hear me did he?)

12:28 Phone call. Another voicemail: “Hope you’re not mad at me”

1:15 Another text: “I hope you’re not made at me :(”(now I’m pissed because he’s woken me up and I have the new iphone so I didn’t know how to turn the ringer off without shutting my alarm off.)

1:20 Text: “You’re probably mad :(” (oh yeah, now I am!)

No texts after that…..I finally drift off back to sleep

6:50 am (I’m barely walking into work.) “Hope you’re not too tired:(”

7:01 am No response from me yet, but I got a call from him. I didn’t answer

8:10 Text: “How’s your day? Can you talk, hope you’re not mad at me”

8:10 Me: “I’m fine, and I kept telling you I was fine. I’m not mad”

8:11 Text from him: “Whew, I was worried”

He proceeds to text me several more times throughout the day with details of what he was up to. I didn’t respond.

I got off of work at 3pm. He calls me no joke at 3:15.

Leaves a voicemail: “Hope you’re day wasn’t too brutal. Call me when you can.”

I did not call him back.

I got a text from him. You busy? “Wanted to see if you would be up for catching a movie." (didn’t I just see you!?) two days in a row in fact.

Me: “Going to LA but thanks.”

I had to turn off my phone for a while because I thought he would call back…soon.

2 hours later, I turn it on to find a text from him “You aren’t answering but I wanted to tell you I bought you that CD from that band you like” (After I told him I already downloaded it)

It was nice of him but I didn’t respond. I needed a break from the torment of the ringing phone and my text alerts going off.

(oh and yes, he DID in fact put all of those sad faces, I have saved all the texts in case I am in need of a good laugh…or I need them for evidence)

“He’s creeping me out!” I thought…

I needed to put a stop to this…immediately!

I go to LA to see a friend and she gets terrible reception in her apartment. She had advised me to just text him and not wait until I spoke with him to get rid of him. As tacky as it was, she had said his needy behavior would probably come out over the phone call, and the fact that he didn’t listen to anything I said before, he would probably just argue with me. So texting was the best solution. It was best to do it quickly because the plans he was making were coming up fast.

So in a text I sent:
“I hate to do this over text, I know how tacky that is, but my girlfriend gets next to no reception in her apartment. I think you’re great but all of this is too much too soon and I don’t think I felt the connection you felt. I wanted to let you know as soon as possible because I know you had all of these plans in mind and I didn’t want to lead you on. Thank you so much for everything though. Take care”

I turned off my phone fearing he would call immediately with need to discuss my want for a divorce.

I drive back to San Diego and I turn my phone back on. I had 5 text messages from him:

“Too much too soon? I had a few things planned, that’s it.”

That wasn’t what I meant. His fucking overkill on the phone and text is what I meant.

Another text: “I get that you’re not interested. I understand”

Another text: “I thought you were interested, but I get it, sorry if I did anything wrong”

Another text: “I was just trying to show you a good time. I figured you had a lousy time the other night”

I wanted to respond and set him straight but I thought it best not too. It’s not typical of me but I got the feeling this guy wouldn’t let up.

He text me that night at 10pm. I was already sleeping. The next day while I was in the shower, he called. I go to check and he left a voicemail:

“Wanted to discuss your text. If you don’t call me back, this is the last phone call or text you will get from me.”

I guess he couldn’t wait for me to call back because right then, I got a text from him:
“I just tried calling you to discuss your text and where we are at but you didn’t answer. FYI-You are tacky and I am bummed about the whole thing. Good luck in life. You are a smart girl and I know you will succeed in whatever you do.”

Did he just contradict himself? Oh hell, whatever. I didn’t respond. I began to, then changed my mind…it would just never end, and I would then seem more tacky to him…and.....smart.

Haven’t heard back from him. Hope that’s all over with.

I met up with my girlfriend for lunch to tell her politely to stick to her day job. She agreed.

She then told me he called her to whine to her about how it didn’t work out with us…

Why he did this I don’t know…it’s like he was telling on me. He told her, he was too nice to me and should have been an asshole, then maybe I would have liked him.

Yeah dude, whatever makes you feel better.

*Don’t do that. Don’t involve others that way. Just do yourself a favor..MAN THE FUCK UP, stop crying and move on!”

Chapter 9 liiives....and is apparently JONESIN!!!

Well as I always say, not to toot my own horn but honk honk beep beep!

They always want to come back...always :)

I got an email from boat guy (See Chapter 9) . He for some reason thought that the headline I had in my match.com profile was directed towards him...

I had recently changed my headline to state: "I'm a surfer, I love the beach" Yeah I get it, we live in SD, chances are..you SURF! Tell me something I don't know..seriously!"

He emails stating the following:

Subject: Hater!

At least you're quoting me ;)
You must have not thought it too lame since we dated for months. Did you want me to say I climbed mountains or something I didn't actually do? Jerk... I'm kidding.
I know you don't care to hear shit from me but I told you I was probably making a mistake and I believe I did. The compliment your Dad gave you is true, I too loved being around you. Would still love to be around you.
Take care pretty

In the last part of the email he is referring to a post I made on facebook some time back when my Dad gave me a compliment. It has been the sweetest compliment I have ever received from anyone.
He said: "Mija" (which for those of you who don't know is like saying "sweetheart" in Spanish) you have this amazing ability to make everyone just want to be around you"

Dad is a very sweet Man....boys should take notes! lol

Well as I read the email....I had to remember what happened. After I finished and posted Chapter 9, he tried to keep in touch with me and any attempt to hang out just got more awkward.... which led to one night him revealing this slue of issues he had..and that he "might still have feelings for his ex"considering I had already been over it since the incident on the boat, I was quick to tell him, "ok, you're done" and escorted him out of my house. As he was leaving, he said " I think I might be making a mistake, I dont know if I have feelings for her or not, I think you might be the better choice!" I take it he expected me to react the opposite of what I did and try to be more understanding. Instead I continued with "Good luck with that" He kept mumbling as I shoved him out of my front door.

He didn't think I was worth the wait, and then when he tried to stick around he then throws that at me; the thought that he "probably" made a mistake. Probably! wow, so I had to remind him of that with the following response to his email:

Re: Hater!
For the record, I wasn't quoting you...just about every guys profile on match says they are surfers...and my point is that it's not original...that's all.

Saying I don't want to hear shit from you is a little much but you are right, I remember you saying "I'm probably making a mistake" and you thought you might still have something for your ex. All of that on top of the incident with you going off on me for not sleeping with you... wow.
So you are emailing me now because it didn't work out with your ex? ...It all in reality just reminds me that you weren't sure what you wanted and I want to be with someone who is, has no question and will not pressure me to do anything I don't want to do. You did make a mistake, deal with it and move on.

Have not heard back from him. Think he got the point

How tacky. The story did not change, he thinks he believes that NOW he made a mistake, how convenient. In case it wasn't clear....I DON'T DO SECOND! I deserve to be first in someone's life.

Though they all want to come back....when they do, I'm already over it. So here's a tip: It would be in your best interest not to fuck it all up in the first place! lol

Moooooving on to bigger and better thaaaangs! :)