"The Way You Look Tonight"

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! lol


Chapter 10



“ The way you look tonight”….doesn’t matter because you’re like my homie….

Oh silly boys, the bane of my existence…

When are we going to get it right….if you want to get anywhere with a girl, treat her like a lady!

I met what seemed to be a nice guy and when he asks me to a movie for a first date, I agree because he seemed kind of shy. I didn’t want to be in any awkward situation and have to create constant conversation, so off to a movie we go.

If you have listened to anything I have had to say, you should know this but I will say this again….the way you treat, or don’t treat a lady on the first date will determine future dates or lack their of.

Before our movie we went to Starbucks for coffee, and when we stood in line, he kind of stood back, odd but I wanted coffee so I just bought it for the both of us. I’m obviously observant but I wasn’t going to rip his head off for not buying the coffee. I did however take note.

We go watch a movie which isn’t a good first date. Why? Because you can’t talk to each other. You are literally watching a movie with a stranger and you don’t leave there knowing them any better.

After the movie, he asked me to go to dinner. Because of the choice to go to a movie for a date, I figure this might be a good way to make up for that. We get there, and we actually begin a conversation (finally) and aside from the majority of his attention on the Lakers game, it wasn’t half bad even though I noticed he was a bit quiet and I did the majority of the talking. Looking back that’s probably why I started to have a good time, because I was making myself laugh. The bill comes and I just pull my money out because I get at this point that’s just what I should do as I did pay for the coffee and I paid for my ticket to the movie. He then says “umm, I can buy this time”

“Umm, this time?” Lucky me. I got the impression, that though he paid, he totally hesitated, and if I was going to go out with him again, I had better bring my wallet.

He called me a few days later and wanted to go out again. I figure, ok, he was a nice guy, although extremely quiet, maybe he just needed to relax a bit more, and this time he would do that, and I guessed he was asking me out again so he would like to, bottom line, treat a lady to dinner. I agreed to go. We were sitting at dinner and he is quiet…I’m the one asking all of the questions and his responses to those questions….short. I had time to daydream and thought “Where is the friendly witty banter?” I even made it more awkward just to make myself laugh by adding phrases like, “soooooo,” and “anywhoooo” . I mean really, who stole your joy? Why so glum chum?

After dinner, the bill comes….he wants to split the bill. Of course! Ok, fine we split dinner. He then says: “how about we go grab some ice cream?.” He has to buy me ice cream now right? WRONG! He picked his ice cream out and wouldn’t you guess, I pay for it….wow, dude, thanks for INVITING ME to dinner….if I would have known you were going to invite me out and not pay, and then torture me with utter silence I would have gone out alone instead and had a fabulous time.

Dessert was over about 8ish and he asked if I had time to go grab a drink. I did so I agreed, I was still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and I know many of you might be wondering why I would continue to put myself through this but I have to spread the word about how to act and not act on a date so there are certain things I must endure….ALL IN THE NAME OF RESEARCH! He takes me to Anthology which he had been to already and so had I, which meant he knew it was a great date place (bonus points). I knew it cost to get in because they have concerts but he took me there anyway. When the guy at the door says “Hey guys it’s $18 a person tonight” …mind you, it was a live Salsa band which already sounded great…he tells the guy “$18?!! Oh nevermind” (bonus points subtracted) Did that just happen? If I was a guy, my pride alone would have paid the cover but, he chose otherwise and said “nevermind”…
I mean, I understand if it was too expensive, then don’t take me there in the first place, he was aware they charged, he had been there before..several times.

Well what can I say, my experiences at Anthology haven’t been that great I guess, the first time I go there, my date calls me by another name, and the second time, I get in the door and my date decides I’m not worth the cover charge. We walk out, and then he suggests the W Hotel. We go to the bar, and frankly, I had had it with this guy. I didn’t offer to split the drinks, or offer to pay, I ordered my drink and walked away.

He complained about how expensive they were, just about the whole time I was drinking my drink…he even mentioned possibly bringing a flask next time. I was thinking “next time, you are dead wrong Mr.” After that drink I was pretty much ready to go. Though he must have liked the drink because now he’s starting to converse with me….ok, I’m with “THAT GUY”, the guy that needs a drink to have a good time…wonderful, like I need the illusion of a good conversationalist. I just decided to indulge him a bit.

While he began creating conversation, albeit boring, but conversation nonetheless, I had a chance to dissect this date….on both dates, he hadn’t really treated me like we were on a date, and I was disappointed but then I thought wait!, if I had gone out with my girlfriends the way these two “dates” have gone, they would have gone exactly the same, we would split everything or I would get dinner and they would get next time etc….I then realized I didn’t have to be so disappointed! I was thinking cool, this guy just wants to be friends and that works for me. I was on my own date at that point anyway.
I decided I wanted another drink and I knew not to tell him that, I just got up and bought one for me and for him…although I did buy him the drink with cheap vodka and I bought myself the good stuff LOL….I wanted to have a good rest of my date…and it was up to me to do that, he sure wasn’t going to.

Well the drink starts to kick in….for him…he starts to get closer to me, puts his arm around me starts rubbing my shoulders and then I start thinking, “Well I don’t remember the last time Stacey did this???” Wait, this guy does just want to be friends right, friends don’t rub on me! He’s feeling good and even at one point during his moment of liquid courage he says: “I just can’t figure out why at 36, well almost 37 I’m still single?” I almost spit my drink out on that one.
Oh and the good times didn’t stop there…he then begins to sing to me, softly, in my ear…..
“SOME DAY WHEN YOU’RE AWFULLY LOW, I WILL FEEL A GLOW, JUST THINKING OF YOU, AND THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT”

Really? Now I’m annoyed because he really thinks he’s on a date…and he clearly wasn’t…..not the way he was treating me anyway.


So when he finished that line of the song I sang back to him with a verse of my own..softly in his ear as well:
“I guess it doesn’t matter how I look tonight, because you’re treating me like I’m one of your guy frieeeeends, and getting laid is not how this date will eeennnnndddd”

He didn’t like that. I did though. I went home quickly after that and haven’t gone out with him since.


After telling my girlfriend about this guy, she turns to me and says “Lori, these are tough economic times, maybe he’s on a budget?” Then he SHOULDN’T BE DATING!



*A few tips and reminders:
1.Guys: It is bad etiquette to take a lady on a date and tell her to pay for it or split the bill…don’t do it. DON’T DO IT.


2.Girls like guys with sense of humor, laugh it up! Laugh at life, laugh at yourself. Don’t take yourself so seriously and look excited about what you have in your life and who you have in your life…and of course be excited that you are with her! When you have a serious face all the time, the girl is going to think you aren’t interested in her.
So you’re eyes better light up and your grill better be flashin or she’s going to move on.

I will leave you all with this, picture me singing:
“Hope these tips serve you welllllllllllll or you will end up in dating hellllll”

Xoxo
-Lo

PUT OUT OR GET OUT! I'M JONESIN AND THIS IS GNARLY!

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.

Disclaimer:

The following are based on true events, these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! ;p

Chapter 9

Well folks it’s happened….

Now, I have heard of this happening, seen it in the movies but I have NEVER been dumped for holding out…until now

I met someone and he had been different than what I had been dating. As I got to know him, I was thinking wow, this is someone that really might change my mind about wanting to stay single. He was attractive…and actually AVAILABLE! No exes looming about, no emotional baggage, and I got the impression that there was nothing stopping him from being open to a possible relationship in the future. He had me actually thinking about being open to one as well.

He was romantic which I had been missing, and it felt amazing. I was excited. He loved animals too. In fact had dogs of his own that he got from a shelter. “This is what I’m talking about!” I thought.

I liked him but I wanted to take it easy as I have and had been recently dealing with boys, who had either been unavailable, rebounding, or seeing me as the “in the meantime” girl and I decided that I wanted to give myself emotionally and physically to someone that I felt a strong connection with. I knew that might take a while but I figured this guy, as much of a gentleman as he was, wouldn’t mind at all.

We had gone out a couple times and I had an amazing time with him. No pressure.

One night we had gone out, we had had a little too much to drink and I told him he shouldn’t drive home, he should stay….and sleep on my couch. He didn’t have a problem with it….

On the next date, he made me dinner. I was still trying to get to know him. I was busy and so was he, so there would be a week to 2 weeks in between seeing each other. It was fine with me, I wasn’t in any rush and we hadn’t had ANY discussion about our feelings or intentions. So I figured this was just a great time to get to know each other….FINALLY, a guy with patience! He even actually said “I have the patience of a monk”. Awesome!

Again, a little much to drink….I told him to just stay. I was getting ready to go to bed….alone and he stops me. “It’s getting harder to be around you and not sleep in your bed” Waiiiiit…. it was odd that he brought that up to me..didn’t he just say he had the patience of a monk? Maybe I heard Monk but he said “monk-ey?” He responded with “Is there an issue?” I responded with: “No issue, I just want us to really get to know each other first” He said: “Well I’m not really used to this, but hey, if it doesn’t feel right for you, that’s cool, and so you know, if it doesn’t feel right next time we are together don’t feel pressured.” I said ok but that whole conversation didn’t really sit right with me, I didn’t want to overanalyze though. He said he was fine to drive home so I sent him on his way as I didn’t want him to start dry humping my leg.

Turns out, I did hear wrong…way, way wrong….

The last time (and final) time we went out…. We went out for a nice dinner then on his boat where he brought his dogs too. What a perfect night. I was enjoying myself. It started to get late and he asked me, “Do you want to go home after your glass of wine, or?”

So I said “yeah that would be great if you can take me home after I finish this.”

Then he began on a rant that has stuck in my mind and is possibly the reason I am man hating currently

Here is a run down of our dialogue…and yes, this is pretty much how it went down.

Him: “ok, fine, but what is the issue Lori?”

Me: “What do you mean? There is no issue”

Him: (Stands up and is now yelling) “Well I mean c’mon, kissing on date 2 or 3 I understand but dates 5 and 6 kissing!? “Do you even like me?” (Oh brother, have I heard that one before! What a line!)

Completely taken back by his sudden change in behavior, I immediately headed towards the front of the boat and said, “ok I’m ready to go home right now!” He continued yelling at me about how I was missing out on life and that it’s just going to pass me by and how I can’t see what’s in front me. Really? Because right now, all I see is a horny 12 year old boy in front of me…this guy went from gentleman to jackass in 0.6 seconds. I actually had a chance to think: “Wow, yeah the way you are acting makes me want to rip my clothes right off!”

Me: “So let me get this straight, you’re mad because I’m not sleeping with you?”

Him: “I don’t think you understand how patient I have been, but I have needs just like everyone else Lori”.

I told him this whole thing was just turning me off, he responded by saying “Well the fact that we aren’t intimate is turning ME off!” (What a douche bag)

“I mean usually a girl makes me wait till date 2 or 3 not longer than that unless there is an issue!”. I yelled back and said “then go date those girls!” He then said, “I’m not mad because you aren’t sleeping with me.” At that point, he wasn’t making any sense and we just got in his car and I kept silent on the ride back to my car. He kept contradicting everything he was saying on the way. He said we should discuss this but I told him there was nothing to talk about, he then said “Ok don’t you put this off on me, this is your issue!” He kept talking as if something was wrong with me. I kept telling him, the night was perfect until now…(Until you started crying like a whiney bitch!) NOT ATTRACTIVE. As he kept going on and on, I thought about just sitting on his face to get him to shut up. I was counting down the seconds till we arrived at my car.

This is what I was trying to avoid. I have been that girl, if I don’t like you, I might just decide to take what I want and not talk to you afterwards….YEAH I SAID IT! And then when you call, because you WILL call again, I won’t answer, and you will wonder what happened and cry and I will go on about my happy life. Hey guys do it, why can’t we?

So I wanted this to be different, it seemed like we had quite a bit in common and had such a great time when we were out together so why not invest some actual time and get to know him as a person. I was quite the lady so I held my tongue but I was thinking “Why did you have to go and open your fucking mouth? Now you’ve gone and ruined everything! Which sucks for you because now you’ve ruined any chance of finding out what it’s like to be with me….fuckin idiot.” So I get out his car and hopped into mine without saying much but couldn’t hold my tongue any longer and as I am getting into my car I say, “Hey! Absorb this moment, because THIS right here, is what the fuck is wrong with you!”

A day later he apologized for yelling at me and insisted he’s patient and isn’t trying to pressure me, but I don’t think there’s any coming back from this. He admitted to overanalyzing situations and dissecting them far too often. Sounds like he is the one with the issue.

For the record, this isn’t me saying “oh I think after 10 dates I will sleep with him.” I just felt I wanted to get to know him better, and what the f? It’s not my fault you have no game.

I can now say I have officially experienced this first hand…PUT OUT OR GET OUT!

I guess sometimes there is miscommunication…it happens. I have gotten the advice from both sides, to give it another chance and from others to just let it go…but a few things put me over the edge…even though I tried to look past these things…I just can’t….forgive me but I just can’t.

I don’t have a problem with the following phrases but I have a problem with the OVER-USE of them: “Gnarly”, “Dag nabbit”, “Pickled” (In place of drunk), “stoked”, “jonesin”, and calling me a “twerp”. And if that’s not a big deal, this should raise a red flag…saying things like “I have used coke, and but now only once or twice a year maybe.” (or have I not been dating enough that this is normal conversation for people?)

And guys if a lady invites you over and you are feeling comfortable with her great but still, don’t ever, EVER put your feet on her brand new coffee table….EVER.

Tips:

*Guys please refrain from asking a girl why she hasn’t given it up after date #3. She may have been thinking about doing it and now any chance of getting it…is gone…yeah do you see it floating away from you? It proves two things: 1, you really do have no patience and 2: you have NO GAME. A guy with game doesn’t have to ask why she’s not sleeping with him. It will happen when it’s right and naturally, not forced.

Oh well, back to the drawing board ;)

Still single,

-Lo