Are You Into Fitness?

I have heard back from many men after the last post. I understand that it may be hard to address their women and the fact that they aren't giving them head or aren't doing it enough...

I can make this part pretty simple for you.

Just ask her: "Are you into fitness?" (The answer is either yes or no. Either response will work for this)

She says, yes or no. Then you say: "Then how bout fit n dis dick in yer mouth?"

Heyohhhhh! If that doesn't work...I don't know what will!

Downtown..Things Will Be Great When You're Downtown"

Sex in my opinion is an extremely important part of a relationship…if not THE most important thing. That includes GOING DOWN.

In fact, it should be first date conversation: “How many brothers and sisters, do you have? Do you go down? You don’t? Ok, nice meeting you.” That’s right….if you don’t go down, that is cause for dismissal before even being hired! Why even date someone who doesn’t? I sure as hell wouldn’t.

I am focusing on women in this post because my girlfriend and I had a conversation over lunch and could not believe we have actually encountered women that don’t do this, or even like doing it! Also, I have found the specific words to come from the mouths of some women to be “It’s gross” (Disclaimer: I am not a fan of these women).

I don’t think I have ever met a guy who thinks it’s gross…. Oh wait, my gay friends.

How is it gross? What are we 12? As far as I’m concerned if you are an adult, it shouldn’t gross you out. It’s not nasty. It’s hot. And if you think otherwise, you should probably get that checked out…

I have heard stories…and it saddens me. “My girlfriend/wife doesn’t like it. She thinks it’s gross.” My response to a married friend of mine was “and you actually MARRIED this woman?” You should know well in advance if she’s going to perform oral sex on you…before she’s even your girlfriend you should get the answer to that one. It’s best to get it out of the way and ask up front…why even wait to see? I mean when you buy a car, do you ask about the features AFTER you buy?

I don’t like selfish women. I have a problem with being friends with women like this, why? Because I feel like women have come so far in trying to be independent and having the upper hand in business and in our personal lives. You should have your business in line and in check and, your man pleased so he does not care to wander. Just cover all of your bases.

Now if you are asking….Why should you do this for your man? Because it feels good to him! You want him to feel good don’t you? You like receiving it don’t you? But you don’t like to give it? You suck….but not literally I guess. Something’s wrong with you. Oh wait, you don’t care if you get it either? Something’s still wrong with you.

I mean, tis better to give than receive right?

Ladies, you should enjoy going down on your man. If anything, it should turn you on, that it turns him on. I don’t know of a guy that doesn’t like getting head. If he acts like doesn’t like it or care for it…bottom line…it’s because you’re doing it wrong!

If you aren’t good at it…take a class, ask a girlfriend…ask your man how he likes it and then as the saying goes “ Practice makes Perfect” The effort alone I assure you will be appreciated.

One thing I can’t stand is a selfish person. Don’t be that guy or girl that expects to get it but not give it.

Sex, oral included, should be fun…and of course most importantly….PLEASURABLE! I know we think guys can be super simple and just intercourse alone should be good for them, but guys LOOOOVE head…they just do. So just give it to them because 9 out of 10 times, he’s more than happy to give it to you!

I have heard of Women thinking he will lose respect for her if she gets too freaky….

I read this article and paid particular attention to Myth #5 The “Madonna Whore” portion http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating-advice/671330. A guy (that is not gay) is going to want you to explore that sexy, hot side of the relationship and doesn’t want you to be afraid. Trust that he wants you to be sexual and freaky in bed with him.

It is not wrong, gross, or otherwise. Oral sex is just as important as intercourse. Your excuses of not wanting to do it, get tiring and you don’t want your man going elsewhere for it..do you?

Ladies, get right on this if you aren’t already…or just…get left.

This gets me thinking of the Dr. Seuss rhyme to get it through your heads…to give head to get ahead…in your relationship.

You may start as the skeptical “Sam I am” but with some time and practice….

You will be saying….

"I do! I do like giving head. I do like it in my bed, I do like it by the shed, I do like it in my house. I do like it on the couch, I do like it with my spouse. I do like it in my car. I do like it near or far, I do like it here, or there, I do like giving head anywhere.…."

Even if you think it’s a “job” and tedious, tiring, and gross. DO IT anyway. Keep doing it…until you like it.

Try it, try it in a tree, try it, try it and you will see….

That’s not Dr. Seuss kids….that’s Dr. SeDuss. Enjoy his “green eggs and ham” just remember it’s your job to make sure his “eggs” don’t turn blue.

Too Much Too Soon?

When it comes to honesty, is there a such thing as too much too soon? The 25 yr old and I went out on ONE date and he has not stopped going on and on about how much he's intrigued and likes me but....not enough to wait I guess.

He confessed to sleeping with someone yesterday. We aren't together, he didn't owe me any kind of explanation, confession...again, we went out ONCE.

Is this just him showing his age because he was like a little horny dog that couldn't invest time with me and wait to see if it would lead to intimacy? Or did he do the right thing by doing more than most Men would by coming clean though we are not a couple at all? I don't know...I can't help but be turned off by his actions though I do respect his honesty. Where does one go from here? Wondering if I have something special here or if this is a douche bag for the books...my normal "I don't put up with SHIT" feeling is telling me....he can't keep it in his pants.

Honest Abe

I just got back on Match.com. If for nothing else, thought it would provide with more writing material. Well, Match does NOT disappoint. I haven't even gone on a date yet and I already have some writing material.

A while ago....long while ago..I'm talking maybe 3 years ago. I went on a date with someone from match. We had a drink or two, a few laughs; nothing more. We talked after the date but his schedule was so busy we never had the chance to meet up again. No big deal, no major sparks, so no loss.

I never thought about that guy again. In fact completely forgot about our date.

I get back on match, just recently, and so was he. He decided to say hi:

"Round 2 huh LoLo? Just wanted to say hi"

I responded with: "Round 2? More like round, 3,4 and 5 lol"

He responded with this: "Can I take you out for a drink again?"

I had to think, we went out on a date? It was so long ago I didn't remember and well, the date must have not been that good because it didn't stick out in my mind to remember either.

So I responded with this:


"Again? We went out for a drink? Wait, I vaguely remember that... so that can't be good. And the fact that it's been THAT long before you asked me out again....can't be a good thing either."

I had to really think, did I go out with him already? I remember laughing a lot. Come to think of it though, I'm always laughing. So wait a minute, am I the only one having a great time on these dates? Have I learned to entertain myself so well that I'm not concerned if they are having fun or not?

I digress...

I didn't know if he would respond. He did.

THIS was his response, word for word:

"I understand and you're totally justified - let me splain. You see this is my round 2, I dated a girl I met off of here shortly after we went on our date - for over a year and a half, and then even though she was on the pill I somehow managed to get her pregnant. I didn't want to have any more kids and she did so things got really messed up when I asked her to get an A-word. Eventually I wore her down and she went through with the procedure but we ended the relationship a couple of months after...It was brutal!

Tres Mujeres stuff huh?

You're gorgeous and smart and you seemed really driven, but you seemed a little detatched and aloof during our date - and that's cool cause that's how I am and despite all that I had a good time because you're like the female version of me. Cirumstances just led me in a different direction that's all. "

I didn't know what to say. I didn't respond. Don't plan to. On to the next....

Wow. I can't imagine being that girl. How awful to have to deal with a guy like that. Maybe it's just me but there seems to be a tone like "can you believe this chick wanted to have children! The nerve!"

He was honest...a little too honest but I am grateful that he was. I can respect that he was, but from that email I know he's not for me. I am all for having fun, but what if it did go into a long relationship and I ended up being that girl. That would put me in therapy for sure. To have a man tell you "I don't want this baby, though you do, get rid of it" would be beyond traumatizing.

I'm just glad that wasn't me. I don't know what kind of parent I will be. I do want kids though. I will start with one...keep the receipt in case it doesn't work out lol...and go from there. Unless I am not meant to have children, no one other than Mother Nature herself will tell me I will not have kids.

If you are man enough to stick your dick in a girl...be man enough to deal with the responsibilities. The next time you have sex with someone unprotected....think "Do I want children with this person?"

I am not against abortion. I do however, have a problem with people who use abortion as birth control. Grow the fuck up and "wrap it BEFORE you tap it" Ladies, think about who you are lying down with. Sex IS a big deal and sometimes, shit happens. Is that person going to stick by your decision, should something happen? Or "wear you down" to do what they want?

Chapter 12 "Good Cop Bad Date. Assault with a deadly tongue..ouch!"

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! lol

Chapter 12

“Step back from the girl and put the tongue away!” A kiss should not be with a stabbing tongue!

That’s the only thing I thought after this boy kissed me. Why did my friend try and set me up…. again?

I get a text from my girlfriend:

Her: “Hey girl, seeing anyone? I got this great guy for you”

Me: “I don’t think so girl, we’ve tried this once before remember?”

Her: “I know but I swear, he’s cute and nice and funny, and he’s a cop”

I was hesitant at first because no offense to those in uniform, but they tend to have major egos. My brother-in-law is a prime example of that. He’s a firefighter and there are literally a dozen pictures at my sisters house of him in action…in the living room alone.

Me: “Hmm, sounds like an ego”

Her: “No girl, I swear he’s super nice”

Me : “ok I guess”

What’s the harm in it….right?

The back story to this is that this friend of mine has tried to hook me up before….long story short, the guy cut his hair for me because she told him I wasn’t interested in him because he had long hair…she failed to mention to him that I just wasn’t interested in him as a whole.

One evening while I’m at dinner with her and her husband, he walks in. She had invited him to join us which I was not aware of. So in walks this guy with now…short hair.

I asked him why he cut it and he said, “Because she said you didn’t like long hair”…Poor guy. I hated to have to explain the reality of things but she was the one who told him his hair was the problem and I had to straighten it all out now.

Back to this disaster….

She gives him my number. We set up the date.

This could have given me an indication that he was too needy. Before we went out on date 1, he text the following: “I’m excited for tonight”

Me: “Yeah, me too, should be fun!

Him: “Awww I think you meant “It WILL be right?:(”

(Ok yeah whatever you say dude, will be)

He seemed a bit insecure…he called several times before the date to make sure I was ok with the location, and the time…and the location, and the time…and the (well you get the picture) my responses of “that sounds perfect” were not good enough I guess?

So he comes to pick me up….and I immediately realize, I’m not physically attracted to this guy. Oh well, fuck it, I’m going to be with him for several hours so I’m just going to get to know him a bit and enjoy the evening.

One thing to know about me…I am never rude on a date. I will, no doubt, have a great time, unless you are a complete dick. I know how to laugh, how to make people laugh and how to engage in conversation. So, yes it’s safe to say date #1 will always go well unless again, the aforementioned happens. I find people and their stories interesting so it’s not too difficult for me to have a good time. As well as the fact that those that know me well, know I often make myself laugh so I’m usually smiling and laughing no matter where I am or who I am with.

I can see how it would look like I’m attracted to them when in fact I’m not.

There is in fact a difference though in how I act when I do like someone. When I like them, I am touchy with them…and flirty with them. Not overtly so but there is a difference.

Ok, so we are laughing and talking. He took me to have drinks at Altitude which is a great spot for an incredible view of San Diego. Then dinner in Coronado on the Water which he says he took me to because he was listening to me during conversation and remembered that I enjoy outdoor dining and just anything near the water.

Looking back on this date, it’s funny now, that I say he was “listening” to me because the way the rest of this thing played out, it’s like he never listened at all.

So he brings me home from date #1. I had fun, but was still not attracted. He insisted on walking me to my door. I felt it coming, I knew he was going to kiss me and I didn’t want him to.

He was a nice guy and as I have said before looks aren’t everything but as I have referenced in other blogs, one thing I can’t physically get past is…teeth. Just remember my motto: “White is right,” “Yellow will not bring a kiss to a fellow”

His teeth were bad. Guys it’s not hard, get some white strips..make em shine!

As I walk in my door he goes in for the kiss. I didn’t want it but for a second thought, maybe the kiss will put me past my lack of attraction towards him....

Well, not so much.

He stabbed and jabbed with that tongue…like he was trying to subdue a fleeing suspect. I pulled away immediately! Whoa, isn’t the motto “To Protect and Serve not “To Penetrate and Sever” Jeez, for fucks sake!! I quickly said “okiiie dokiiiie, goodnight”

He had a few drinks so out of friendly concern told him to text me when he got home so I know he was home safe. The phone rang soon after. I figured he was calling to tell me he got home safely.

Instead, he proceeded to have a conversation with me about how much fun he had. Not a bad thing but it was close to 2 am and I wanted to get to bed.

Day after date #1, he called to ask me out again; called me several times that day in fact. He also text: “Had an amazing time last night, did you?”

Me: “Yeah I had a good time, thank you again so much for everything”

Him: “Awww you mean you had a great time right?:(”

I should have sensed I had another whiny cry baby biatch on my hands. But you always give the benefit of the doubt no? Or am I the only one?

I thought it might be a problem but he seemed nice so I thought maybe if I hung out with him again today, I would feel a spark…………………………………………………..

Nope, nothing. He even brought me a dozen beautiful red roses.

He took me to dinner in Little Italy. I was laughing and engaging with him still….Maybe we could at least have a friendship?

Not so much…he began making all these plans with me… Cop ride along (wow, fun I thought, maybe I can help him arrest some crack heads) But I had to remember that I wasn’t attracted to him and didn’t want to lead him on. I thought maybe he would pick up on that but would still want to hang out. He invited me to a Padre Game and a Chargers Game that week. Right then, I thought ok, maybe this “he will be my friend” thing isn’t going to work. He clearly wanted more.

Dinner was over. I was ready to go home as I had to be at work early the next day so getting home by 8 pm sounded perfect to me. We walk out of the restaurant and I see a Silver Audi parked in front. Holy shit, it was my friend’s car. The girl who hooked me up with this guy was in Little Italy. She lived in the area but what are the chances of us running into her right then….

I kept trying to avoid my girlfriend and her conversation at all costs because she would ask a million and one questions and exclaim her disappoint in me for me not being interested and ruining her fantasy of her hubby and her having couples night with him and I and doing cheesy things like playing card games and shit. Whatevs. There are a ton of Audis Downtown but she has a personalized license plate. Well lo and behold, it’s her car. My heart starts racing because now, now she’s going to think “It’s clearly working out! Hoooray!” Well I tried to walk fast but ran into her husband who was sitting outside at Princess Pub. Then she comes over. She was surprised and aside from her sheer excitement that we were together, we ended up all having a great time. We all laughed had a few drinks and my attempt to get home at 8 changed to closer to midnight. Time flies when you’re having fun.

As we are leaving he starts to apologize “I feel really bad, I’m sorry for keeping you out later than you wanted”

Me: “oh gosh no, I had so much fun. My cheeks are hurting from all the laughing”

2 minutes later: “I feel really bad, I hope you aren’t mad at me”

Me: “Not at all. Listen if I am having a bad time, I will be clear about it. I was having a great time. It was unexpected fun.”

He kept apologizing on the way to my house. I got it then…. This fool DOES NOT listen.

I am getting pissed now. Last time I checked I can take care of myself and would appreciate if you don’t baby me like you forced me to stay out later than I wanted.

I get home and he again insisted he walk me to the door. I didn’t want him to because I knew he was going to try and kiss me again. He had been drinking so again I said: “Text me when you get home so I know you’re cool”

We are at my door I walk in and stood far from him.

He wanted to kiss me and proceeds to gesture me towards him (as I am now standing about 5 feet from him) with literally the wave that cops do while directing traffic…and says: “Come here” I didn’t.

If I’m far from you, (and you are not smooth) doing a traffic directional cop wave “come here” will unfortunately not turn me on. He really did that…with both hands in fact! It looked like a sort of mix between traffic directing cop and a mob boss: Can you picture it? “Come ova heaaah” I was frightened and amused at the same time because now in a matter of seconds I had pictured him saying “come ova heeahh” just like that. I guess he didn't pick up that me standing far from him to begin with, was probably a good indication that I didn't want a kiss.

I usually love it when a guy kisses me and holds my face but as I clearly resisted, he ended up just smashing my cheeks together. At one point…I’m sure the look on my face was that a fish.

He came to me and tried to kiss me again. I kept my lips tight this time. Though he tried to stick that jabbing tongue in there, I kept my mouth closed. When he finally left I checked for stab wounds…nope all clear. Whew!

So I wash up and get ready for bed.

Not more than 30 minutes later my phone rings. Surprise, surprise, it’s him. I didn’t answer. I thought, he would just leave a message telling me he’s home safe.

He left a Voicemail:“Hey it’s me, give me a call when you get a chance”

(Ummm, I have to be at work in a few hours what would we have to discuss right now?)

*Now, there are 2 extremes: When a boy doesn’t call you or text, that’s of course bad. But when they are calling you 10 + times a day, that’s far worse. There’s a balance!*

12:07 text message: “Tried calling you, you didn’t answer :(” (I did not respond)

12:10 Another call.

12:14 Another text: “Hope you’re not mad at me for keeping you out too late” (he really didn’t hear me did he?)

12:28 Phone call. Another voicemail: “Hope you’re not mad at me”

1:15 Another text: “I hope you’re not made at me :(”(now I’m pissed because he’s woken me up and I have the new iphone so I didn’t know how to turn the ringer off without shutting my alarm off.)

1:20 Text: “You’re probably mad :(” (oh yeah, now I am!)

No texts after that…..I finally drift off back to sleep

6:50 am (I’m barely walking into work.) “Hope you’re not too tired:(”

7:01 am No response from me yet, but I got a call from him. I didn’t answer

8:10 Text: “How’s your day? Can you talk, hope you’re not mad at me”

8:10 Me: “I’m fine, and I kept telling you I was fine. I’m not mad”

8:11 Text from him: “Whew, I was worried”

He proceeds to text me several more times throughout the day with details of what he was up to. I didn’t respond.

I got off of work at 3pm. He calls me no joke at 3:15.

Leaves a voicemail: “Hope you’re day wasn’t too brutal. Call me when you can.”

I did not call him back.

I got a text from him. You busy? “Wanted to see if you would be up for catching a movie." (didn’t I just see you!?) two days in a row in fact.

Me: “Going to LA but thanks.”

I had to turn off my phone for a while because I thought he would call back…soon.

2 hours later, I turn it on to find a text from him “You aren’t answering but I wanted to tell you I bought you that CD from that band you like” (After I told him I already downloaded it)

It was nice of him but I didn’t respond. I needed a break from the torment of the ringing phone and my text alerts going off.

(oh and yes, he DID in fact put all of those sad faces, I have saved all the texts in case I am in need of a good laugh…or I need them for evidence)

“He’s creeping me out!” I thought…

I needed to put a stop to this…immediately!

I go to LA to see a friend and she gets terrible reception in her apartment. She had advised me to just text him and not wait until I spoke with him to get rid of him. As tacky as it was, she had said his needy behavior would probably come out over the phone call, and the fact that he didn’t listen to anything I said before, he would probably just argue with me. So texting was the best solution. It was best to do it quickly because the plans he was making were coming up fast.

So in a text I sent:
“I hate to do this over text, I know how tacky that is, but my girlfriend gets next to no reception in her apartment. I think you’re great but all of this is too much too soon and I don’t think I felt the connection you felt. I wanted to let you know as soon as possible because I know you had all of these plans in mind and I didn’t want to lead you on. Thank you so much for everything though. Take care”

I turned off my phone fearing he would call immediately with need to discuss my want for a divorce.

I drive back to San Diego and I turn my phone back on. I had 5 text messages from him:

“Too much too soon? I had a few things planned, that’s it.”

That wasn’t what I meant. His fucking overkill on the phone and text is what I meant.

Another text: “I get that you’re not interested. I understand”

Another text: “I thought you were interested, but I get it, sorry if I did anything wrong”

Another text: “I was just trying to show you a good time. I figured you had a lousy time the other night”

I wanted to respond and set him straight but I thought it best not too. It’s not typical of me but I got the feeling this guy wouldn’t let up.

He text me that night at 10pm. I was already sleeping. The next day while I was in the shower, he called. I go to check and he left a voicemail:

“Wanted to discuss your text. If you don’t call me back, this is the last phone call or text you will get from me.”

I guess he couldn’t wait for me to call back because right then, I got a text from him:
“I just tried calling you to discuss your text and where we are at but you didn’t answer. FYI-You are tacky and I am bummed about the whole thing. Good luck in life. You are a smart girl and I know you will succeed in whatever you do.”

Did he just contradict himself? Oh hell, whatever. I didn’t respond. I began to, then changed my mind…it would just never end, and I would then seem more tacky to him…and.....smart.

Haven’t heard back from him. Hope that’s all over with.

I met up with my girlfriend for lunch to tell her politely to stick to her day job. She agreed.

She then told me he called her to whine to her about how it didn’t work out with us…

Why he did this I don’t know…it’s like he was telling on me. He told her, he was too nice to me and should have been an asshole, then maybe I would have liked him.

Yeah dude, whatever makes you feel better.

*Don’t do that. Don’t involve others that way. Just do yourself a favor..MAN THE FUCK UP, stop crying and move on!”

Chapter 9 liiives....and is apparently JONESIN!!!

Well as I always say, not to toot my own horn but honk honk beep beep!

They always want to come back...always :)

I got an email from boat guy (See Chapter 9) . He for some reason thought that the headline I had in my match.com profile was directed towards him...

I had recently changed my headline to state: "I'm a surfer, I love the beach" Yeah I get it, we live in SD, chances are..you SURF! Tell me something I don't know..seriously!"

He emails stating the following:

Subject: Hater!

At least you're quoting me ;)
You must have not thought it too lame since we dated for months. Did you want me to say I climbed mountains or something I didn't actually do? Jerk... I'm kidding.
I know you don't care to hear shit from me but I told you I was probably making a mistake and I believe I did. The compliment your Dad gave you is true, I too loved being around you. Would still love to be around you.
Take care pretty

In the last part of the email he is referring to a post I made on facebook some time back when my Dad gave me a compliment. It has been the sweetest compliment I have ever received from anyone.
He said: "Mija" (which for those of you who don't know is like saying "sweetheart" in Spanish) you have this amazing ability to make everyone just want to be around you"

Dad is a very sweet Man....boys should take notes! lol

Well as I read the email....I had to remember what happened. After I finished and posted Chapter 9, he tried to keep in touch with me and any attempt to hang out just got more awkward.... which led to one night him revealing this slue of issues he had..and that he "might still have feelings for his ex"considering I had already been over it since the incident on the boat, I was quick to tell him, "ok, you're done" and escorted him out of my house. As he was leaving, he said " I think I might be making a mistake, I dont know if I have feelings for her or not, I think you might be the better choice!" I take it he expected me to react the opposite of what I did and try to be more understanding. Instead I continued with "Good luck with that" He kept mumbling as I shoved him out of my front door.

He didn't think I was worth the wait, and then when he tried to stick around he then throws that at me; the thought that he "probably" made a mistake. Probably! wow, so I had to remind him of that with the following response to his email:

Re: Hater!
For the record, I wasn't quoting you...just about every guys profile on match says they are surfers...and my point is that it's not original...that's all.

Saying I don't want to hear shit from you is a little much but you are right, I remember you saying "I'm probably making a mistake" and you thought you might still have something for your ex. All of that on top of the incident with you going off on me for not sleeping with you... wow.
So you are emailing me now because it didn't work out with your ex? ...It all in reality just reminds me that you weren't sure what you wanted and I want to be with someone who is, has no question and will not pressure me to do anything I don't want to do. You did make a mistake, deal with it and move on.

Have not heard back from him. Think he got the point

How tacky. The story did not change, he thinks he believes that NOW he made a mistake, how convenient. In case it wasn't clear....I DON'T DO SECOND! I deserve to be first in someone's life.

Though they all want to come back....when they do, I'm already over it. So here's a tip: It would be in your best interest not to fuck it all up in the first place! lol

Moooooving on to bigger and better thaaaangs! :)

Miss Communication

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! lol


Chapter 11

"MISS COMMUNICATION"

It is said that Women fall in love between their ears. I have, and I’m sure other Women have, girlfriends that (as we all can) get caught up when a Man begins communication with us via phone calls/texts/emails. What does that all mean? They are interested? Yes, but to what extent?

When Women say Men are complicated, it is simply put, that we often make them that way. We tend to draw our own conclusions on their behavior, and create these elaborate stories between ourselves and our girlfriends as to why they act the way they do. I’m not trying to give guys credit but they are far less complicated than we are. I don’t take that, (and ladies neither should you) as an insult. The fact that we are more “complicated” makes us far more interesting than men ;)

Here is the reality of things Ladies:

Men aren’t necessarily looking for a relationship when they call, text or email everyday. They are however, looking for companionship. Let’s not get the two confused. COMPANIONSHIP IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP.

Ok, so what does it all mean? It means friends, oh you mean boyfriend? No, FRIENDS. Many Women set themselves up for some serious disappointment when they think communication via phone email or text is going to lead them to a relationship.

The problem is what our minds do with simple conversation. It will go from a casual 5 minute conversation with a Man to a 3 hour long conversation with our girlfriends about that 5 minute conversation.

So guys, you call/text/email the following: “Hey there, just wanted to say hi! Have a good day”

Her thought process (and common mistake in translation): “He’s thinking of me! He misses me!”

(Real translation) you: “Just wanted to say hi” (pretty simple stuff)

Don’t over analyze a guys’ communication with you. When you meet someone it shouldn’t be looked at past that meeting. Unfortunately, sometimes when Women meet Men, we often upon first meeting, if we like them, even as conversation is flowing, are planning the wedding in our heads, and seeing what our future babies will look like when we should just be focusing on getting to know them as people.

What’s a good solution to this problem? My advice is to not put all of your eggs in one basket, until it has been discussed and is clear that you are both on the same page. It’s not fool proof but, it makes it more difficult to be disappointed when you have a few options. If we don’t focus on just one, we won’t get so obsessed in thought about what all that communication means.

“Why did he stop calling!?”

…..Yeah if a Guy stops calling we immediately begin obsessing over why.

Ladies, we will drive ourselves crazy trying to figure it out! We may NEVER know! So why beat yourself up? If you have a few other options, your social calendar will be too full to have the time to sit and question that for long.

This comes down to the girls. Keep it casual, keep it fun until he proves he deserves your full time attention, then decide where you want to go from there.

I love being a girl…but I do feel bad for Men sometimes, when a month to a girl may seem enough time to establish a relationship, to a guy that may not be enough time to establish anything other than companionship; be it friends or friends with benefits but maybe not an actual relationship. So instead of trying to figure out if that's where it's heading just enjoy life! Having a few prospects always makes dating more interesting anyway and fun! Like one of my best girlfriends says, “Guys are like Lays Chips…you can’t have just one!!” True….true.. ;)

Again, it’s not fool proof but is a great way to avoid the “why isn’t he calling conversation” with your girlfriends. Don’t expect them to call, but know at the same time that they will because you are just that great! If he doesn’t or if he’s calling for companionship and you want a relationship, you will be too busy being too fucking fabulous and living your life to the fullest to worry about the guy who doesn’t realize how great you are. He should want to snag you and make sure you don’t want to focus on anyone else! If not, then say it with me girls “Not my problem!”

So remember, when meeting with a guy, focus on that time, on them as people, not as future husbands, not as future “Babies Daddies” but just as simple human beings looking for companionship.

Let them prove they are worthy of more than that. Until then, indulge in that greasy bag of chips girls ;)

"The Way You Look Tonight"

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! lol


Chapter 10



“ The way you look tonight”….doesn’t matter because you’re like my homie….

Oh silly boys, the bane of my existence…

When are we going to get it right….if you want to get anywhere with a girl, treat her like a lady!

I met what seemed to be a nice guy and when he asks me to a movie for a first date, I agree because he seemed kind of shy. I didn’t want to be in any awkward situation and have to create constant conversation, so off to a movie we go.

If you have listened to anything I have had to say, you should know this but I will say this again….the way you treat, or don’t treat a lady on the first date will determine future dates or lack their of.

Before our movie we went to Starbucks for coffee, and when we stood in line, he kind of stood back, odd but I wanted coffee so I just bought it for the both of us. I’m obviously observant but I wasn’t going to rip his head off for not buying the coffee. I did however take note.

We go watch a movie which isn’t a good first date. Why? Because you can’t talk to each other. You are literally watching a movie with a stranger and you don’t leave there knowing them any better.

After the movie, he asked me to go to dinner. Because of the choice to go to a movie for a date, I figure this might be a good way to make up for that. We get there, and we actually begin a conversation (finally) and aside from the majority of his attention on the Lakers game, it wasn’t half bad even though I noticed he was a bit quiet and I did the majority of the talking. Looking back that’s probably why I started to have a good time, because I was making myself laugh. The bill comes and I just pull my money out because I get at this point that’s just what I should do as I did pay for the coffee and I paid for my ticket to the movie. He then says “umm, I can buy this time”

“Umm, this time?” Lucky me. I got the impression, that though he paid, he totally hesitated, and if I was going to go out with him again, I had better bring my wallet.

He called me a few days later and wanted to go out again. I figure, ok, he was a nice guy, although extremely quiet, maybe he just needed to relax a bit more, and this time he would do that, and I guessed he was asking me out again so he would like to, bottom line, treat a lady to dinner. I agreed to go. We were sitting at dinner and he is quiet…I’m the one asking all of the questions and his responses to those questions….short. I had time to daydream and thought “Where is the friendly witty banter?” I even made it more awkward just to make myself laugh by adding phrases like, “soooooo,” and “anywhoooo” . I mean really, who stole your joy? Why so glum chum?

After dinner, the bill comes….he wants to split the bill. Of course! Ok, fine we split dinner. He then says: “how about we go grab some ice cream?.” He has to buy me ice cream now right? WRONG! He picked his ice cream out and wouldn’t you guess, I pay for it….wow, dude, thanks for INVITING ME to dinner….if I would have known you were going to invite me out and not pay, and then torture me with utter silence I would have gone out alone instead and had a fabulous time.

Dessert was over about 8ish and he asked if I had time to go grab a drink. I did so I agreed, I was still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and I know many of you might be wondering why I would continue to put myself through this but I have to spread the word about how to act and not act on a date so there are certain things I must endure….ALL IN THE NAME OF RESEARCH! He takes me to Anthology which he had been to already and so had I, which meant he knew it was a great date place (bonus points). I knew it cost to get in because they have concerts but he took me there anyway. When the guy at the door says “Hey guys it’s $18 a person tonight” …mind you, it was a live Salsa band which already sounded great…he tells the guy “$18?!! Oh nevermind” (bonus points subtracted) Did that just happen? If I was a guy, my pride alone would have paid the cover but, he chose otherwise and said “nevermind”…
I mean, I understand if it was too expensive, then don’t take me there in the first place, he was aware they charged, he had been there before..several times.

Well what can I say, my experiences at Anthology haven’t been that great I guess, the first time I go there, my date calls me by another name, and the second time, I get in the door and my date decides I’m not worth the cover charge. We walk out, and then he suggests the W Hotel. We go to the bar, and frankly, I had had it with this guy. I didn’t offer to split the drinks, or offer to pay, I ordered my drink and walked away.

He complained about how expensive they were, just about the whole time I was drinking my drink…he even mentioned possibly bringing a flask next time. I was thinking “next time, you are dead wrong Mr.” After that drink I was pretty much ready to go. Though he must have liked the drink because now he’s starting to converse with me….ok, I’m with “THAT GUY”, the guy that needs a drink to have a good time…wonderful, like I need the illusion of a good conversationalist. I just decided to indulge him a bit.

While he began creating conversation, albeit boring, but conversation nonetheless, I had a chance to dissect this date….on both dates, he hadn’t really treated me like we were on a date, and I was disappointed but then I thought wait!, if I had gone out with my girlfriends the way these two “dates” have gone, they would have gone exactly the same, we would split everything or I would get dinner and they would get next time etc….I then realized I didn’t have to be so disappointed! I was thinking cool, this guy just wants to be friends and that works for me. I was on my own date at that point anyway.
I decided I wanted another drink and I knew not to tell him that, I just got up and bought one for me and for him…although I did buy him the drink with cheap vodka and I bought myself the good stuff LOL….I wanted to have a good rest of my date…and it was up to me to do that, he sure wasn’t going to.

Well the drink starts to kick in….for him…he starts to get closer to me, puts his arm around me starts rubbing my shoulders and then I start thinking, “Well I don’t remember the last time Stacey did this???” Wait, this guy does just want to be friends right, friends don’t rub on me! He’s feeling good and even at one point during his moment of liquid courage he says: “I just can’t figure out why at 36, well almost 37 I’m still single?” I almost spit my drink out on that one.
Oh and the good times didn’t stop there…he then begins to sing to me, softly, in my ear…..
“SOME DAY WHEN YOU’RE AWFULLY LOW, I WILL FEEL A GLOW, JUST THINKING OF YOU, AND THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT”

Really? Now I’m annoyed because he really thinks he’s on a date…and he clearly wasn’t…..not the way he was treating me anyway.


So when he finished that line of the song I sang back to him with a verse of my own..softly in his ear as well:
“I guess it doesn’t matter how I look tonight, because you’re treating me like I’m one of your guy frieeeeends, and getting laid is not how this date will eeennnnndddd”

He didn’t like that. I did though. I went home quickly after that and haven’t gone out with him since.


After telling my girlfriend about this guy, she turns to me and says “Lori, these are tough economic times, maybe he’s on a budget?” Then he SHOULDN’T BE DATING!



*A few tips and reminders:
1.Guys: It is bad etiquette to take a lady on a date and tell her to pay for it or split the bill…don’t do it. DON’T DO IT.


2.Girls like guys with sense of humor, laugh it up! Laugh at life, laugh at yourself. Don’t take yourself so seriously and look excited about what you have in your life and who you have in your life…and of course be excited that you are with her! When you have a serious face all the time, the girl is going to think you aren’t interested in her.
So you’re eyes better light up and your grill better be flashin or she’s going to move on.

I will leave you all with this, picture me singing:
“Hope these tips serve you welllllllllllll or you will end up in dating hellllll”

Xoxo
-Lo

PUT OUT OR GET OUT! I'M JONESIN AND THIS IS GNARLY!

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.

Disclaimer:

The following are based on true events, these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! ;p

Chapter 9

Well folks it’s happened….

Now, I have heard of this happening, seen it in the movies but I have NEVER been dumped for holding out…until now

I met someone and he had been different than what I had been dating. As I got to know him, I was thinking wow, this is someone that really might change my mind about wanting to stay single. He was attractive…and actually AVAILABLE! No exes looming about, no emotional baggage, and I got the impression that there was nothing stopping him from being open to a possible relationship in the future. He had me actually thinking about being open to one as well.

He was romantic which I had been missing, and it felt amazing. I was excited. He loved animals too. In fact had dogs of his own that he got from a shelter. “This is what I’m talking about!” I thought.

I liked him but I wanted to take it easy as I have and had been recently dealing with boys, who had either been unavailable, rebounding, or seeing me as the “in the meantime” girl and I decided that I wanted to give myself emotionally and physically to someone that I felt a strong connection with. I knew that might take a while but I figured this guy, as much of a gentleman as he was, wouldn’t mind at all.

We had gone out a couple times and I had an amazing time with him. No pressure.

One night we had gone out, we had had a little too much to drink and I told him he shouldn’t drive home, he should stay….and sleep on my couch. He didn’t have a problem with it….

On the next date, he made me dinner. I was still trying to get to know him. I was busy and so was he, so there would be a week to 2 weeks in between seeing each other. It was fine with me, I wasn’t in any rush and we hadn’t had ANY discussion about our feelings or intentions. So I figured this was just a great time to get to know each other….FINALLY, a guy with patience! He even actually said “I have the patience of a monk”. Awesome!

Again, a little much to drink….I told him to just stay. I was getting ready to go to bed….alone and he stops me. “It’s getting harder to be around you and not sleep in your bed” Waiiiiit…. it was odd that he brought that up to me..didn’t he just say he had the patience of a monk? Maybe I heard Monk but he said “monk-ey?” He responded with “Is there an issue?” I responded with: “No issue, I just want us to really get to know each other first” He said: “Well I’m not really used to this, but hey, if it doesn’t feel right for you, that’s cool, and so you know, if it doesn’t feel right next time we are together don’t feel pressured.” I said ok but that whole conversation didn’t really sit right with me, I didn’t want to overanalyze though. He said he was fine to drive home so I sent him on his way as I didn’t want him to start dry humping my leg.

Turns out, I did hear wrong…way, way wrong….

The last time (and final) time we went out…. We went out for a nice dinner then on his boat where he brought his dogs too. What a perfect night. I was enjoying myself. It started to get late and he asked me, “Do you want to go home after your glass of wine, or?”

So I said “yeah that would be great if you can take me home after I finish this.”

Then he began on a rant that has stuck in my mind and is possibly the reason I am man hating currently

Here is a run down of our dialogue…and yes, this is pretty much how it went down.

Him: “ok, fine, but what is the issue Lori?”

Me: “What do you mean? There is no issue”

Him: (Stands up and is now yelling) “Well I mean c’mon, kissing on date 2 or 3 I understand but dates 5 and 6 kissing!? “Do you even like me?” (Oh brother, have I heard that one before! What a line!)

Completely taken back by his sudden change in behavior, I immediately headed towards the front of the boat and said, “ok I’m ready to go home right now!” He continued yelling at me about how I was missing out on life and that it’s just going to pass me by and how I can’t see what’s in front me. Really? Because right now, all I see is a horny 12 year old boy in front of me…this guy went from gentleman to jackass in 0.6 seconds. I actually had a chance to think: “Wow, yeah the way you are acting makes me want to rip my clothes right off!”

Me: “So let me get this straight, you’re mad because I’m not sleeping with you?”

Him: “I don’t think you understand how patient I have been, but I have needs just like everyone else Lori”.

I told him this whole thing was just turning me off, he responded by saying “Well the fact that we aren’t intimate is turning ME off!” (What a douche bag)

“I mean usually a girl makes me wait till date 2 or 3 not longer than that unless there is an issue!”. I yelled back and said “then go date those girls!” He then said, “I’m not mad because you aren’t sleeping with me.” At that point, he wasn’t making any sense and we just got in his car and I kept silent on the ride back to my car. He kept contradicting everything he was saying on the way. He said we should discuss this but I told him there was nothing to talk about, he then said “Ok don’t you put this off on me, this is your issue!” He kept talking as if something was wrong with me. I kept telling him, the night was perfect until now…(Until you started crying like a whiney bitch!) NOT ATTRACTIVE. As he kept going on and on, I thought about just sitting on his face to get him to shut up. I was counting down the seconds till we arrived at my car.

This is what I was trying to avoid. I have been that girl, if I don’t like you, I might just decide to take what I want and not talk to you afterwards….YEAH I SAID IT! And then when you call, because you WILL call again, I won’t answer, and you will wonder what happened and cry and I will go on about my happy life. Hey guys do it, why can’t we?

So I wanted this to be different, it seemed like we had quite a bit in common and had such a great time when we were out together so why not invest some actual time and get to know him as a person. I was quite the lady so I held my tongue but I was thinking “Why did you have to go and open your fucking mouth? Now you’ve gone and ruined everything! Which sucks for you because now you’ve ruined any chance of finding out what it’s like to be with me….fuckin idiot.” So I get out his car and hopped into mine without saying much but couldn’t hold my tongue any longer and as I am getting into my car I say, “Hey! Absorb this moment, because THIS right here, is what the fuck is wrong with you!”

A day later he apologized for yelling at me and insisted he’s patient and isn’t trying to pressure me, but I don’t think there’s any coming back from this. He admitted to overanalyzing situations and dissecting them far too often. Sounds like he is the one with the issue.

For the record, this isn’t me saying “oh I think after 10 dates I will sleep with him.” I just felt I wanted to get to know him better, and what the f? It’s not my fault you have no game.

I can now say I have officially experienced this first hand…PUT OUT OR GET OUT!

I guess sometimes there is miscommunication…it happens. I have gotten the advice from both sides, to give it another chance and from others to just let it go…but a few things put me over the edge…even though I tried to look past these things…I just can’t….forgive me but I just can’t.

I don’t have a problem with the following phrases but I have a problem with the OVER-USE of them: “Gnarly”, “Dag nabbit”, “Pickled” (In place of drunk), “stoked”, “jonesin”, and calling me a “twerp”. And if that’s not a big deal, this should raise a red flag…saying things like “I have used coke, and but now only once or twice a year maybe.” (or have I not been dating enough that this is normal conversation for people?)

And guys if a lady invites you over and you are feeling comfortable with her great but still, don’t ever, EVER put your feet on her brand new coffee table….EVER.

Tips:

*Guys please refrain from asking a girl why she hasn’t given it up after date #3. She may have been thinking about doing it and now any chance of getting it…is gone…yeah do you see it floating away from you? It proves two things: 1, you really do have no patience and 2: you have NO GAME. A guy with game doesn’t have to ask why she’s not sleeping with him. It will happen when it’s right and naturally, not forced.

Oh well, back to the drawing board ;)

Still single,

-Lo