The Dating Chronicles of a San Diego Single: single men

Showing posts with label single men. Show all posts

Friday, June 26, 2009

Miss Communication

It is said that Women fall in love between their ears. I have, and I’m sure other Women have, girlfriends that (as we all can) get caught up when a Man begins communication with us via phone calls/texts/emails. What does that all mean? They are interested? Yes, but to what extent?

When Women say Men are complicated, it is simply put, that we often make them that way. We tend to draw our own conclusions on their behavior, and create these elaborate stories between ourselves and our girlfriends as to why they act the way they do. I’m not trying to give guys credit but they are far less complicated than we are. I don’t take that, (and ladies neither should you) as an insult. The fact that we are more “complicated” makes us far more interesting than men ;)

Here is the reality of things Ladies:

Men aren’t necessarily looking for a relationship when they call, text or email everyday. They are however, looking for companionship. Let’s not get the two confused. COMPANIONSHIP IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP.

Ok, so what does it all mean? It means friends, oh you mean boyfriend? No, FRIENDS. Many Women set themselves up for some serious disappointment when they think communication via phone email or text is going to lead them to a relationship.

The problem is what our minds do with simple conversation. It will go from a casual 5 minute conversation with a Man to a 3 hour long conversation with our girlfriends about that 5 minute conversation.

So guys, you call/text/email the following: “Hey there, just wanted to say hi! Have a good day”

Her thought process (and common mistake in translation): “He’s thinking of me! He misses me!”

(Real translation) you: “Just wanted to say hi” (pretty simple stuff)

Don’t over analyze a guys’ communication with you. When you meet someone it shouldn’t be looked at past that meeting. Unfortunately, sometimes when Women meet Men, we often upon first meeting, if we like them, even as conversation is flowing, are planning the wedding in our heads, and seeing what our future babies will look like when we should just be focusing on getting to know them as people.

What’s a good solution to this problem? My advice is to not put all of your eggs in one basket, until it has been discussed and is clear that you are both on the same page. It’s not fool proof but, it makes it more difficult to be disappointed when you have a few options. If we don’t focus on just one, we won’t get so obsessed in thought about what all that communication means.

“Why did he stop calling!?”

…..Yeah if a Guy stops calling we immediately begin obsessing over why.

Ladies, we will drive ourselves crazy trying to figure it out! We may NEVER know! So why beat yourself up? If you have a few other options, your social calendar will be too full to have the time to sit and question that for long.

This comes down to the girls. Keep it casual, keep it fun until he proves he deserves your full time attention, then decide where you want to go from there.

I love being a girl…but I do feel bad for Men sometimes, when a month to a girl may seem enough time to establish a relationship, to a guy that may not be enough time to establish anything other than companionship; be it friends or friends with benefits but maybe not an actual relationship. So instead of trying to figure out if that's where it's heading just enjoy life! Having a few prospects always makes dating more interesting anyway and fun! Like one of my best girlfriends says, “Guys are like Lays Chips…you can’t have just one!!” True….true.. ;)

Again, it’s not fool proof but is a great way to avoid the “why isn’t he calling conversation” with your girlfriends. Don’t expect them to call, but know at the same time that they will because you are just that great! If he doesn’t or if he’s calling for companionship and you want a relationship, you will be too busy being too fucking fabulous and living your life to the fullest to worry about the guy who doesn’t realize how great you are. He should want to snag you and make sure you don’t want to focus on anyone else! If not, then say it with me girls “Not my problem!”

So remember, when meeting with a guy, focus on that time, on them as people, not as future husbands, not as future “Babies Daddies” but just as simple human beings looking for companionship.

Let them prove they are worthy of more than that. Until then, indulge in that greasy bag of chips girls ;)

Friday, May 29, 2009

"The Way You Look Tonight"

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! lol

Chapter 10

“ The way you look tonight”….doesn’t matter because you’re like my homie….

Oh silly boys, the bane of my existence…

When are we going to get it right….if you want to get anywhere with a girl, treat her like a lady!

I met what seemed to be a nice guy and when he asks me to a movie for a first date, I agree because he seemed kind of shy. I didn’t want to be in any awkward situation and have to create constant conversation, so off to a movie we go.

If you have listened to anything I have had to say, you should know this but I will say this again….the way you treat, or don’t treat a lady on the first date will determine future dates or lack their of.

Before our movie we went to Starbucks for coffee, and when we stood in line, he kind of stood back, odd but I wanted coffee so I just bought it for the both of us. I’m obviously observant but I wasn’t going to rip his head off for not buying the coffee. I did however take note.

We go watch a movie which isn’t a good first date. Why? Because you can’t talk to each other. You are literally watching a movie with a stranger and you don’t leave there knowing them any better.

After the movie, he asked me to go to dinner. Because of the choice to go to a movie for a date, I figure this might be a good way to make up for that. We get there, and we actually begin a conversation (finally) and aside from the majority of his attention on the Lakers game, it wasn’t half bad even though I noticed he was a bit quiet and I did the majority of the talking. Looking back that’s probably why I started to have a good time, because I was making myself laugh. The bill comes and I just pull my money out because I get at this point that’s just what I should do as I did pay for the coffee and I paid for my ticket to the movie. He then says “umm, I can buy this time”

“Umm, this time?” Lucky me. I got the impression, that though he paid, he totally hesitated, and if I was going to go out with him again, I had better bring my wallet.

He called me a few days later and wanted to go out again. I figure, ok, he was a nice guy, although extremely quiet, maybe he just needed to relax a bit more, and this time he would do that, and I guessed he was asking me out again so he would like to, bottom line, treat a lady to dinner. I agreed to go. We were sitting at dinner and he is quiet…I’m the one asking all of the questions and his responses to those questions….short. I had time to daydream and thought “Where is the friendly witty banter?” I even made it more awkward just to make myself laugh by adding phrases like, “soooooo,” and “anywhoooo” . I mean really, who stole your joy? Why so glum chum?

After dinner, the bill comes….he wants to split the bill. Of course! Ok, fine we split dinner. He then says: “how about we go grab some ice cream?.” He has to buy me ice cream now right? WRONG! He picked his ice cream out and wouldn’t you guess, I pay for it….wow, dude, thanks for INVITING ME to dinner….if I would have known you were going to invite me out and not pay, and then torture me with utter silence I would have gone out alone instead and had a fabulous time.

Dessert was over about 8ish and he asked if I had time to go grab a drink. I did so I agreed, I was still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and I know many of you might be wondering why I would continue to put myself through this but I have to spread the word about how to act and not act on a date so there are certain things I must endure….ALL IN THE NAME OF RESEARCH! He takes me to Anthology which he had been to already and so had I, which meant he knew it was a great date place (bonus points). I knew it cost to get in because they have concerts but he took me there anyway. When the guy at the door says “Hey guys it’s $18 a person tonight” …mind you, it was a live Salsa band which already sounded great…he tells the guy “$18?!! Oh nevermind” (bonus points subtracted) Did that just happen? If I was a guy, my pride alone would have paid the cover but, he chose otherwise and said “nevermind”…
I mean, I understand if it was too expensive, then don’t take me there in the first place, he was aware they charged, he had been there before..several times.

Well what can I say, my experiences at Anthology haven’t been that great I guess, the first time I go there, my date calls me by another name, and the second time, I get in the door and my date decides I’m not worth the cover charge. We walk out, and then he suggests the W Hotel. We go to the bar, and frankly, I had had it with this guy. I didn’t offer to split the drinks, or offer to pay, I ordered my drink and walked away.

He complained about how expensive they were, just about the whole time I was drinking my drink…he even mentioned possibly bringing a flask next time. I was thinking “next time, you are dead wrong Mr.” After that drink I was pretty much ready to go. Though he must have liked the drink because now he’s starting to converse with me….ok, I’m with “THAT GUY”, the guy that needs a drink to have a good time…wonderful, like I need the illusion of a good conversationalist. I just decided to indulge him a bit.

While he began creating conversation, albeit boring, but conversation nonetheless, I had a chance to dissect this date….on both dates, he hadn’t really treated me like we were on a date, and I was disappointed but then I thought wait!, if I had gone out with my girlfriends the way these two “dates” have gone, they would have gone exactly the same, we would split everything or I would get dinner and they would get next time etc….I then realized I didn’t have to be so disappointed! I was thinking cool, this guy just wants to be friends and that works for me. I was on my own date at that point anyway.
I decided I wanted another drink and I knew not to tell him that, I just got up and bought one for me and for him…although I did buy him the drink with cheap vodka and I bought myself the good stuff LOL….I wanted to have a good rest of my date…and it was up to me to do that, he sure wasn’t going to.

Well the drink starts to kick in….for him…he starts to get closer to me, puts his arm around me starts rubbing my shoulders and then I start thinking, “Well I don’t remember the last time Stacey did this???” Wait, this guy does just want to be friends right, friends don’t rub on me! He’s feeling good and even at one point during his moment of liquid courage he says: “I just can’t figure out why at 36, well almost 37 I’m still single?” I almost spit my drink out on that one.
Oh and the good times didn’t stop there…he then begins to sing to me, softly, in my ear…..
“SOME DAY WHEN YOU’RE AWFULLY LOW, I WILL FEEL A GLOW, JUST THINKING OF YOU, AND THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT”

Really? Now I’m annoyed because he really thinks he’s on a date…and he clearly wasn’t…..not the way he was treating me anyway.

So when he finished that line of the song I sang back to him with a verse of my own..softly in his ear as well:
“I guess it doesn’t matter how I look tonight, because you’re treating me like I’m one of your guy frieeeeends, and getting laid is not how this date will eeennnnndddd”

He didn’t like that. I did though. I went home quickly after that and haven’t gone out with him since.

After telling my girlfriend about this guy, she turns to me and says “Lori, these are tough economic times, maybe he’s on a budget?” Then he SHOULDN’T BE DATING!

*A few tips and reminders:
1.Guys: It is bad etiquette to take a lady on a date and tell her to pay for it or split the bill…don’t do it. DON’T DO IT.

2.Girls like guys with sense of humor, laugh it up! Laugh at life, laugh at yourself. Don’t take yourself so seriously and look excited about what you have in your life and who you have in your life…and of course be excited that you are with her! When you have a serious face all the time, the girl is going to think you aren’t interested in her.
So you’re eyes better light up and your grill better be flashin or she’s going to move on.

I will leave you all with this, picture me singing:
“Hope these tips serve you welllllllllllll or you will end up in dating hellllll”

Xoxo
-Lo

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE CH.7

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! lol

Chapter 7

"Don Juan DeMarco"

CONFIDENCE….guys…it will get you everywhere…

Cinco de Mayo..out with a friend to grab some dinner. The restaurant was packed….we moved to the bar hoping someone was leaving soon so we could grab a seat.

*I have been told by many of my friends that I can be oblivious when a guy is checking me out. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.....I guess because I'm pretty content with my life, it is so rare that I go out with the intention of meeting guys other than for business….

We are looking around, and spot a group moving over to another table except one guy stays behind, we thought he might be leaving as well so we simply ask if the table was taken.

By this time, he had noticed me....but I didn't notice that....yet! lol

He says, "Well if you don't mind me sitting with you ladies, you can sit here."
So we say Thank You, and out of courtesy introduce ourselves. Mind you at this point, I still hadn't noticed him. I was there with my girlfriend and we weren't trying to be rude other than I just didn't notice him and we were starving lol!

So shortly after we sit down and order our food, he turns to me and begins conversation, and in order for him not to be rude to my friend, begins conversation with her as well. ...

This guy had us both laughing in no time.

NOW I noticed him.

He was making conversation with me, complimented me, but he NEVER made my friend feel left out….me likey…

The conversation began flowing.....
It was like a nice little first date. No ex-file talk, no baggage, just nice, innocent, interesting, humorous conversation.

Oh this guy was a charmer but not in a sleazy way….I could tell he knew what he was doing, but you can't fake humor…he was making me laugh and being silly, you could tell he didn't take himself too seriously and his humor was natural…..it was nice.

He was talking to me like he knew me and it was weird but I felt like he did. He was persistent. After about an hour and a half of non stop conversation, he says
" So when are we seeing eachother again?" I was a bit taking back and my guard went up…

"See eachother again, for what? Who's going to be there? Where are we going?" (Jeez dream kill much Lori!?) lol

He sensed it, and very calmly said, "Look, I am really enjoying your company and from what I get you are enjoying mine. I would like to see you again, and if you are uncomfortable with that, you can bring your friend too, we can do a big group thing and go dancing." I looked at his friend and they seemed harmless lol.

I tried to keep my cool of course ;-) but I couldn't help that I was intrigued with this guy. He was persistent, cool, calm and collected! He NEVER even asked if I had a boyfriend. Not once! It was like he was so confident that I wouldn't turn him down no matter what my situation was. Even my friend noticed he never even asked…kind of like he knew what he wanted and was going to take it and now, it was like I was back in high school, I didn't know how to behave!

So when I say, "yeah that sounds good", he says, " let's schedule it now, because just saying that it sounds good means that you may only think about it, scheduling it now makes it more of a sure thing. Let's schedule it now" N.O.W –No Opportunity Wasted!!

I gave him my number….

You think his charm ends there but oh no!…

I love to dance, and in this restaurant in the bar area, there was a band playing, Spanish music. He doesn't ask me, he tells me, "come on, let's dance" I couldn't say no.

(He likes to dance 3 points!) hahaaa

He was fun and had me cracking up the whole time. I could tell he could dance but again he didn't take himself too seriously and was being silly. Even his group of friends at the next table were cheering us on..

What unexpected fun that was.

My friend and I were getting ready to leave and the bill came.
Well it was like I was buzzed but I had nothing to drink! I couldn't write correctly, I didn't even sign my name right! I was thinking "What is this guy doing to me!?" Even my friend noticed….She later brought it to my attention…. "It was like you were buzzed…OFF OF HIM!"

We left right after we got the bill. He was a gentleman, he gave me a hug, said goodbye to the both of us and I had to bite my lower lip to stop from smiling from ear to ear. I needed to try and regain some sort of control lol!

We got in the car and I turned to my friend and said "Wow, you realize we have just met the real life Don Juan DeMarco?"

To be honest, I don't remember what he looks like, and that is simply because I am never impressed much by looks, but I do know that I was impressed with his charm and confidence.

**Don't confuse confidence with cockiness! Guys do not walk up to a girl and try to overcompensate by cracking smart ass jokes that you have no idea what to do with!? Charm is a skill, it takes practice. It's ok if you're an amateur but know your limits! If you don't have game- don't throw out the brilliant lines all at once. Keep your cool. I think guys make it harder than it has to be. Believe me…Women can tell when you are trying to hard….it can't be said enough, BE YOURSELF! There is humor in everyday life..USE IT to make her laugh but be natural about it…come on, No one really likes the Jim Carrey types do they?

*And just because you get the girls number doesn't mean now you can act like a retard. Again, charm and confidence is something that comes from the inside out. It needs to be carried out through getting to know eachother..it's not just get the date and be done with it. A true charmer will be charming throughout a growing friendship…(which will hold true for this guy too huh if he's really as charming as he seems!?) lol

**Ladies, do the same….Men like to laugh too you know!? We always say that we want a guy that can make us laugh but we should make them laugh as well! Work on it girls!

Me, I don't have that problem…I make myself laugh all of the time! ;p

As a refresher, this is for informational purposes only!

Just because this guy was a charmer, you will NOT SEE BITCHASSNESS or SELLING OUT from me!

I may have just entered into a real life "Don Juan DeMarco" situation but hey, he got my number and to be honest, if he hadn't approached me, I probably wouldn't have noticed him other wise even though he was sitting right next to me….

And hey…at the very least this can only give me more stories to write about right!?;-)

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE CH. 6

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE, these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! lol

Chapter 6

"SPRING FEVER"

A friend of mine and I actually had a WTF moment the other day when we ran into some old flames that we hadn't seen in forever…..ON THE SAME DAY NO LESS!.. For the rest of the day, I think we both sat on my couch trying to figure out what had happened….all of these old feelings came back…and all of these questions came about.

We both had to slap the shit out of each other to bring eachother back to reality….
"NO BITCHASSNESS!"

My friend asked, "What is going on, was it a full moon recently or something?" I didn't know what was going on but I had to find out. I called a friend and she quickly said, "Umm yeah duh, Spring Fever"

"Spring Whutta?"

So she explained it to me…and well I wasn't satisfied so I Googled it.
YES…It made sense!

Have you stopped to look around you?? Have you noticed that people are coming out of the woodwork like you wouldn't believe???

Even you too, maybe have sent a drunken text message, emailed or called someone that you haven't spoken to in a while?

Ladies, A "Hey beautiful, how are you?" Oh yeah, and they usually end it with "it's been a while" SOUND FAMILIAR?

I'm telling you, All of a sudden…they come sniffin' around like I'm an open can of Puppy Chow!

IT'S THIS WEATHER!

Check this out! This article actually explains Spring Fever….we all go through it to a certain degree….you might notice that your dating calendar is a little busier than usual right now…

Now some of you may think it's a myth…but I for one believe it…

http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_200/210_dating_advice.html

You can attribute it to whatever you'd like, warmer weather means people get out more, the smell of blossoming flowers makes you feel romantic, either way it's affecting us. Is it just the weather or is it more instinct though? Kind of like "mating season" where even if we never stepped outside when the warm weather set in, would we still feel the pull to go out and find a mate?

Well folks, bottom line, it smells like love is in the air or so people think, and do with it what you will but just remember….NO BITCHASSNESS for fucks sake!

And watch as it starts to get cold again…see how many people have their "person" and go into hibernation lol!

Have you noticed a difference in behavior in men around you?
Gentlemen, how about the ladies around you???

Take a second and think? Maybe not to date them again but possibly just reconnect? I have looked back and there have been a few small reconnections with my past, innocent and brief but still…

Wow, think about it…deep down, we really are just animals huh?

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE CH.5

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date...lol!

I am in no way saying I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them... yes, I think I may make this a habit...

And for clarification...dating is for research... I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness." On my part anyway...

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research!..lol

Chapter 5

**TIP OF THE DAY: LADIES, AND GENTLEMEN….BEWARE OF THE "REBOUND ZONE". Trust me there are some signs, flashing lights all around, and yes, you will hear the occasional annoying buzzing sound warning you that you are entering… but sometimes you WILL NOT see them….ahhh yes, if only these signs were more obvious, maybe like the fabulous signs of the crossing immigrants on the 5 Freeway…that would save us a lot of time…

**BE ALERT AND ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK**

'DUMPED AT THE COFFEE BEAN'

WARNING- NOW ENTERING THE REBOUND ZONE!...

Ahhhh the Coffee Bean, where you can get great tasting crack in a cup, WI-FI, and on occasion, witness BITCHASSNESS in it's purest form....

I went out with this guy a few times and we were having fun, getting to know each other. This was only going on for about 3 weeks. Things were going fine, he called a lot but I didn't mind; we had good conversation. I thought I made it clear that I wanted us to be friends for a while but maybe not clear enough? I thought we were doing pretty well on conversation over that short period of time and I really wasn't interested in hearing about the ex yet but he offered the information…looking back, he obviously needed to vent…whatever. I didn't mind hearing about it because we were just hanging out.

**POSSIBLE SIGNS OF A RECENT BREAK UP…CLINGINESS, A WANT TO TALK OF THE EX OFTEN , AND COMPARING YOU TO THE EX (THIS IS POSSIBLY TO MASK FEELINGS THEY STILL HAVE FOR THE EX)

After only going out on a few dates, I get a call on a Wednesday morning. "Lori I need to talk to you, can you meet me at the Coffee Bean in like an hour?"

So I show up…and he sits me down…

Him: "Hey, well you know that girl I was seeing?"

Me: "Yeah"

Him: "Well she called me the other day to catch up and well, we started talking. When I told her I was hanging out with you, she didn't like that and now she wants to get back together. I think I want to give it a chance and I can't see you anymore."

I was a bit dumbfounded and hadn't considered us dating really but now I was being dumped…my pride stepped in…..uh-oh. Was this necessary? I wouldn't have thought twice if he backed away slowly but now…now, I'm feeling dumped and What the F!, now I'm pissed!

Me: "Let me get this straight, you're dumping me right now?"

Me: "Well you Sir, are a PUNK B*TCH!!...no offense." LOL…I didn't really say that.

"No, no you're right, we didn't establish anything and well, you have to do what's best for you I guess." (and believe me, I wasn't going to chain him to the chair to get him to keep hanging out with me..he made his choice, it wasn't wise but it's not my fault he's retarded)

We gave the obligatory hug and parted ways.

So I walked back home, as it's only across the street from my house and called my girlfriend….immediately.

Me: "Dude, you won't believe what just happened, " Juan de Leon" just dumped me….at the Coffee Bean!"

Her: "What? Are you serious?"

Me: "Yeah, I didn't even know we were dating, I'm pissed….I think? Or wait….I don't know how to process what the f*ck just happened."
(silence)….then, A BURST OF LAUGHTER FROM BOTH OF US!

We laughed for a bit and I felt better in no time…thank God for girlfriends! J

Now, I have a sort of love /hate relationship with the Coffee Bean…good times….
------------------

Well if you can believe it, it kind of happened again. A friend was setting me up with a friend of hers. I knew him but not that well. I had heard he was going to ask me out but he hadn't called. A week passed, two weeks passed and then I got a call. He actually left it on a voicemail…

He called to explain to me that a friend of his had liked him for a while (of this I was made briefly aware of but he said he had no intention of dating her) and again, when he explained to her that he was dating….she didn't like it and made her move….and well, he decided to go with it!

"So basically, I'm calling to tell you I won't be asking you out.
I really wanted to too, this sucks! But hey, if this doesn't work out with her, can I call you?"

WOW!!!

Oh, gosh really!? Can I be the lucky second!? Well I will be waiting by the phone for you ok…holding my breath in fact!

*Guys, I think you might think a call is courteous, but it's not necessary if you haven't asked her out on a first date yet! There really is no way to look like "the good guy" in this situation….trust me, just don't call.

And I must say..I must be good luck or something because as soon as these guys mention they are going to go out with me..they get what they want back….which is obviously saying I was the tool they intended on using to get the girls they REALLY wanted in the first place. They swear that's not the case and that it was not on purpose but come on…you can't fight it…the heart wants what it wants and you sometimes need someone to get your mind off what you really want; kind of fill the void in the meantime….and ladies let's face it, we can't be "THE GIRL" for every guy right?

And I mean hey, if I can help someone out LOL LOL …

After it happened the second time, I started to think to myself, "What the hell am I doing?" I am just looking to hang out with some good people and I'm already getting dumped before I even decide if I want a relationship!

I had to do some self-evaluation. I must have been attracting these guys, afterall, the common denominator was ME! For a second I wanted to be down on myself, "What, am I not pretty enough, not smart enough, WTF!??" We all have done it I'm sure…come on ladies..you have. As long as you don't let it ruin your life lol, you're fine…but it's all natural for us to go through these thoughts…briefly :)

So maybe these guys are just making this stuff up, maybe they just don't want to go out with me and they don't want to hurt my feelings...

**DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY LADIES, or guys alike..don't beat yourself up..It really isn't about you, the only thing you can do is follow your feelings and learn the lessons that come with that.

I know you can't always know what you are getting into even if you are just friends first but, it really is nice to try and get to know someone first. If you then decide you want to take it to the next level and begin dating, you will be better aware of whether or not you are entering the "rebound zone" and know how to deal with it accordingly.

Some of you may be thinking, well if you just ask "when was your last relationship" on the first date…you will have your questions answered. Well no, because they will swear to you up and down that they are over it…or give you the ever so CLASSIC LINE: " It was over long before I broke up with her" LOL-CLASSIC I SAY!...and again…not 1st date conversation.

Now, on occasion, I actually lend a good ear for my buddies to vent about their girlfriends (yes these women and these situations are real I assure you) .... wow, "it's not working out, I didn't see that coming at all!" teeheee…I wish them only the best-seriously. I want them happy, it's just not going to be with me…you had your chance sorry…oh and believe me, they are both well aware of this.

And yes, sometimes people deserve a second chance. I have actually been on the other side of this before and have been given a second chance….but in all honesty…a second chance is reserved for very, very special people. :)

-Ever happened to you!!????

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE CH.4

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE, these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date...lol!

I am in no way saying I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them... yes, I think I may make this a habit...

And for clarification...dating is for research... I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness." On my part anyway...

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research!..lol

Chapter 4

"Cause it's 1, 2, 3 strikes you're out"

I went on a date last week and let's just say…he put himself in the friends zone

He wanted to meet up for a drink, he picked Seau's which is a Bar and Grill for those who aren't in the know. I knew the game was on but I thought it was a good choice, we could have a few drinks, all very casual, have a few laughs and get to know eachother. I didn't expect that his love for baseball would really over power our meet up.

*Guys, do not take a girl to Seau's to watch the base ball game on the first date. I am all for the game but …when she is talking to you, you need to be looking her in the eyes not looking at the TV yelling- "double play!"

*When engaging in conversation, do not do all the talking…ask her questions and don't try to initiate more conversation with "so what else would you like to know about me?", after you just spent the last hour talking about yourself and not asking her anything in return.

*I love kids but I don't find it necessary to bring out the pics of your kids on the first date. I understand proud Papas everywhere want to do this but please, on the first date…hold back unless she asks you to see them. Why you ask? Because you don't know how she is going to react and not every woman is going to respond with "oh how cute, when can I meet them"

*When the bill comes guys, you pay for it. Do not let the girl pay. THIS IS OUT OF COURTESY. Now I know some of you are thinking, in this dating age, it should be equal…but fellas, ladies like to be treated as ladies..you invited her, you pay the bill…if she throws out her card, do not take it. Of course should she call you up one day and say "I'm taking you out, I'm paying", or should the dating lead to a relationship, by all means, you can go back and forth. But the first date typically-YOU PAY.

I took my card out, expected him to decline to take it…but he took my card…..so speaking in terms he would understand "can you say strike 3 buddy?"

Guys, the first date should just be about getting to know each other, your likes and dislikes, hobbies, goals etc. There should be no emotional back drop to your life and baby mama drama either. All the talk of the "ex" and how she "screwed you over, but you still have love for her" is not necessary. Talk of any ex isn't necessary...period. I know sometimes we use this as filler but we should try and be more original...the "how long has it been since your last relationship" convo can wait as well.

Remember, you only get one chance to make a first impression….make it good. No pressure, no talk of marriage and kids on the first date...please- buy the girl a drink first jeez! lol.

"Matt Holiday" wants a second date…of course he does, he just got a free therapy session and free beer! But I kindly declined and said, " I'm sorry, I'm on a budget"

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE CH.3

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE CH.2

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE CH.1

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness".

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! lol

CHAPTER 1

"You Have No Integrity!"

This one's about a year old and a lot of my friends have heard it but I find I still get the "What the f*&k? Are you serious" reaction, which always makes me laugh.

I went out with what I thought was a nice guy….funny, good conversation, just all around seemed like someone I would like to get to know. We were enjoying ourselves; closing the restaurant down!

He had explained that he was part of some mentoring group, kind of like a life coach and I thought that was awesome. He had even mentioned that it would be cool if I checked it out. I was intrigued. He spoke a lot of this group and I was thinking "nice guy, cool."

He seemed super sweet and he must have felt comfortable with me because he felt like sharing a personal story with me. I forget now, but he had some financial stint in his past and was explaining how he got past it. Well since he was sharing, I did the same. I explained how my Dog of 13 years had been sick and how so much money was spent on his medications to keep him healthy but he ultimately passed away.

Well as soon as I got into the story, he ended it…this guy went from sweet guy to asshole in about 0.3 seconds. He stopped smiling, and got this super serious look on his face. He said, "that's no integrity". I literally had to do a double take because I couldn't believe that this was coming from this guy I just spent 3 hours talking up a storm with. I said, "I'm sorry?" He says, "You're telling me, you spent all that money on a dog!? We need to discuss this, this is unacceptable."

Well my dog had just passed away a couple of months ago, and I tried so hard to fight it but I began tearing up and he just keeps going, "blah blah blah, you should never spend your money that way" I asked him to stop because he was making me cry. I was not only embarrassed but super upset..and he kept going! I just got up and walked out, he followed. I couldn't manage to get the words out. I wanted to say a lot of things but I just got in my car.

I recapped this date for a friend of mine and her husband. When I got to the part about him telling me I have no integrity, the husband who is usually very mellow and never gets upset, turns red and says to me " don't get involved with that guy, the group he's a part of is like a cult, this guy is totally brainwashed!" I was shocked….he said his old company tried to make him go to one of their seminars and he walked out. It made sense to me because of all things to say he said I had no integrity, which I feel doing what I did for my dog was quite the opposite! My friends husband said this group uses that word often to break it's members down and then fill them with the things they want them to learn. They both said it was like Snoop was with me that night and saved me from considering this guy my friend
:-D

He called, several times, and didn't seem to get that I was not going to see him again. He actually said, " I think we hit it off really well and I would love to see you again." HELLLOOO! DID YOU NOT JUST SEE ME BALL MY EYES OUT F*CKER!?

I guess he didn't like that I didn't call him back so he sent me an email…I wanted to reply with:

"The next time I see you, I am going to kick your balls into your throat.
Fuck your face,
-Lori"

Instead, being the lady that I am ;), I responded with, "No, I will not be going out with you again. I shared a very personal story with you as you did with me and you criticized me. In the future when a lady is sharing something like that with you, do not judge or criticize…doing so will not get you second date."

He got the hint.

** Guys and girls alike, you may not always agree with what a person is doing, but it doesn't give you the right to judge or criticize, especially on the first date…leave that to when you are in a relationship. LOL LOL!

Although this date goes down in my dating diary as one of THEEEEEEEE worst, I must say, I love that I have this story to tell my friends because now it just makes me laugh…and well, we could always use a good laugh right!.....besides, the good dates aren't as fun to write about! ;)

NO BITCHASSNESS!

My friend Lili and I were talking about one of our friends that just got engaged and we began going down the list of our friends who are getting married, have gotten married, or are in these serious relationships where we don’t see them anymore aka..."SELLING OUT"

Well we went down the list and alot of our friends are performing this disgusting action or as Diddy would put it..."Have caught a serious case of Bitchassness" and when we thought about it, it’s like her and I are one of the last ones left who haven’t sold out...so we made an agreement….literally, a contract. We each came up with our own versions and presented them to each other....I thought mine was only fair as it had a time limit and figured that if we both had someone we were happy with, we could prevent eachother from this horrible disease and keep eachother on track but alas, she informed there is no cure for this and even if we both had significant others...we would be too vulnerable and catch this disease.She has my best interest in mind so I’m signing her version!

Here is mine.

I Lorena M. Lopez and Liliana Cruz agree to remain single until the other has found an equal amount of happiness in a partner. If one is unhappy, the other is forbidden to commit to their partner. Commitment is defined as: too many evenings alone with one boy, discussing of "love" for a boy, performing duties of that of a future wife or girlfriend i.e. Cleaning for them, cooking for them, missing out on important functions for them (vegging out at said parties houses), or anything else that would constitute Bitchassness or selling out. Lori and Lili are sole property of each other and said parties will remain so until written consent of both parties stating the release of each other and all liabilities.

(For complete definiton of Selling out please refer to paragraph 14a).

X______________X_________________

Here is hers…

It is understood by both parties herein. lorena lopez and liliana cruz that no selling out will occur in this life time nor the next. Under the condition that parties named herein satisfy the following: Going down, fabulous dates, and occational dibble dabble of the opposite sex. Parties acknowledge, and are bound by such agreement now and until eternity.Failing to comply with such agreement will cause the offender to be thrown of the San Francisco Bridge

X____________ X_________________________

She quickly felt the need to correct me as mine had a time limit, she said, "NO BITCH...THIS IS FOREVER!"

LOL LOL...no but seriously to our friends who are in committed relationships, engaged, or married, we are happy for you....I guess.-Lori and Lili :)

The Dating Chronicles of a San Diego Single