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The Mexican Guido

I don't date guys prettier than me...period. If you know what a "Guido" is, I have just learned, they don't just come in Italian....they come in MEXICAN TOO!

I got a match.com email from a guy who had one picture. It was so far away, I couldn't tell what he looked like. We had exchanged a few emails, so I told him to just send me a few more pics.

When I got his pictures, he also accompanied it with this:

"It's kind of a busy time for me because I'm opening up a new love coaching business here in town. My first event is on Feb. 13th and I'm hosting a Masquerade Ball for the hottest singles in town. Should be a lot of fun and a great way to get my name out there. I'm pretty excited. :) Then after that I'm headed to Vancouver for the Olympics. So that should be a blast making new friends from around the world as well! "

I saw his pictures and the first one he sent was of him "flexing" in the mirror. You know, that cheesy camera phone shot. What.the.fuck. I'm shaking my head as I proceed to the other two. Another in the mirror camera shot. This time he's pointing at himself. Kind of like The Uncle Sam "I want you" photo...except, no, wrong, I did not want him...at all. Especially when I got a close up shot of his hair. That thing, must take, at least a gallon Tres Flores or Aqua Net. Bad call dude.....oh and get this, he's got streaks, like highlights in his hair. This dude is high maintenance, and I'm not about to start dating a guy who is going to be asking ME to drive him like Miss Daisy to the hair salon on Saturday. I was afraid to look further.....

Another pic...of him with Chuck E. Cheese. Wow, not even smiling there! Dude, YOU ARE AT FUCKING CHUCK E. CHEESE! Who tries to look hardcore at a place like that!?

I was waiting for him to send me some photos of him fist pumpin to some house music.

I normally wouldn't have responded with anything but the guy is going to be charging people for dating advice!!

Also, his email had his name as "False" as in, I got the impression he was sending it from some fake account. Real slick dude.

So this is what I responded with....consider it a public service:

Thanks for the email. Ok, so you are opening up a love coaching business? How did you fall into that? Just curious.

I would like to tell you...I know it's not for me to say anything and I would like to say up front, I am in no way trying to offend you-

I am by no means a dating expert but I can I tell you, I talk to A LOT of women, and the pics you sent me seem like you are a little into yourself. Most women don't appreciate the whole "flexing" pose or pictures where it's just too cool to smile. It goes right along with the guys who pose next to their car etc.

I like a humble down to Earth kind of guy who smiles in his pictures and unfortunately from your pictures, it doesn't look like you are.

I just thought you should know because you are going to start a love coaching biz and since online dating is such a big part of dating period now a days, pictures speak volumes. Your clients are going to attract certain women just by the pictures they post.

Like the girls who post EVERY single picture of themselves at the club, they attract guys who like club rats. I am not that girl, don't care what car you drive or how many days you are the gym. It's so easy to work on the outside. I appreciate a nice body but that alone wont even get you to date number one with me.

Oh and the fake email account, you might want to change your name to something other than "false" as I can clearly see that it's not your real account. That probably won't go down well, with most other women either.
Take care and lay off the hair gel.

Chapter 13. Everything in New York Isn't Always What It Seems....

THE DATING CHRONICLES OF A SAN DIEGO SINGLE.
Disclaimer:

The following stories are TRUE; these are not an invitation to ask me out on a date…. lol!

I am in no way saying that I am the perfect date, I'm just explaining my side and offering some helpful tips for dating in general to keep it fun. ;-)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I don't claim to be a dating guru but have just been out there actively dating and I believe many of my experiences are no different than yours, I just decided to write about them...yes, I think I might make this a habit…

And for clarification…dating is for research..I will not give into "selling out" and you will not see any symptoms of "bitchassness"...on my part anyway.

-Your feedback and comments are welcome...all in the name of research! lol

Chapter 13

"Now you’re in NEW YORK, concrete jungle where walls are made of, there’s nothing you WILL do.Cause you're in New Yoooork, you'll be wondering why you flew, he won't even be into youuuuu"

I've said this before, I am a risk taker, in every sense of the word. I believe that even when it comes to dating. The greater the risk the greater the reward can be. That being said, there is always a chance that you take a risk and there is no reward.

That seemed to be the case with a 2^nd date I went on. I flew to the East Coast for this. New York.

Date number 1 went as well and as successful as I think a first date should go: Great dinner, great conversation, and romantic. What a nice feeling. He was in California visiting for work and we met up. I felt a connection with him which was a nice change from what I had experienced on other 1st dates.

…..6 months later. (why 6 months? Where’s the inbetween? Well read on)

I'm not sure if they have cell service in New York because I didn’t hear much from him after our first date. He’s a busy guy and travels all the time for work; literally all the time for work. I get that. Communication was sparse, which began to be quite off putting. I was getting over it very fast, though I couldn’t forget that when we went out, there was something there…something I don’t feel on every date. I held on to that feeling, and went with that when 6 months after our first date he said he would be home a while, and I should go out to visit him for the New Year. Boy, did that sound nice...I had a gut feeling though. A feeling telling me, he hadn’t made the effort to keep in touch with me much before, so how could he be interested.

He’s busy though-yeah, but even the President himself is not as busy as this guy claimed to be. So he’s not that interested?…Well maybe he is because he wants me to go out there.

So I go. I didn’t know what to expect. Not like he had been pining away for me for 6 months, the guy hardly even texted me. I was honestly surprised he wanted me to go see him…still holding on to that feeling though…NO WAY would he fly me out all the way from California to spend time with him right?..and the NEW YEAR at that! Oh yeah, he’s interested..has to be. I mean, it’s me- and I’m great. He’s a smart guy, I have no worries.

I arrive….

He has a car waiting for me to be picked up…random, usually someone picks you up from the airport, not some stranger with your name on a sign but whatever, I take it this is how New Yorkers roll, so I go. I get in the car. The driver “Muhktar” tells me what a great city I’m in and I’m in for a great time. You’re telling me! I’m going to see a handsome, charming, and witty guy in one of the most fun cities ever. Oh yeah, this trip is going to be blast. Albeit, short, but a blast. Muhktar and I quickly made friends. I was like a kid in a candy store. I was smiling from ear to ear because I’m in the city…a REAL city. I could have people watched all day. My cheeks actually hurt from smiling so much on the drive. He had stories to tell me about everything while on my ride to this guy's place.

As I’m on my way there, my guy texted me saying he had gotten little sleep, was extremely exhausted and I need to cut him some slack.

Well ok, I just flew across the country and MY vacation was just starting. I’m ready to see some sights! I was hoping he would wake up by the time I got there.

I texted him back saying if he wanted to sleep I could go hang out somewhere. He said no worries.

I thought if he wasn’t ready for me, I could go hang out somewhere and make friends. Again, he said no worries though.

I get there. I was happy to see him, he seemed happy to see me. We went to dinner and I enjoyed that and some small talk. Ok, great start to my vacation so far. We were actually one of those gross couples in the restaurant, not making out, but affectionate. I didn’t care. My time with him was limited. I was going to do what I wanted…take that onlookers!

Great dinner and good drinks. Ok, he seems interested. Can only get better from here??

After dinner we just went back to his place. We talked a while. Well he talked. There was a lot of talk but not much conversation if that makes sense…

After a few hours I started to get the feeling that ok, he’s not interested in getting to know anything about me..odd, this isn’t how our first date went…

There was chemistry there physically so that would soon overcome my feeling of his lack of interest in me intellectually, emotionally, or anything else.

New Years Eve morning, I woke up and got ready while he slept. He was hosting a dinner party for friends that night so I thought we would have some time to go explore the city a little, as his friends weren’t coming till around 8.

He wakes up at 1 pm and says “you're all dressed and ready to go?” I was ready but by the looks of things, he sure wasn’t. He said “I’m going to go back to sleep” He didn’t get up till 3:45. Guess we aren’t doing anything today. I tried to be sympathetic as he has problems sleeping. His job has him on this odd schedule. So I just kept my mouth shut and told him if he needed to rest, he should.

Ok, before flying out there, I did say “if we never leave your place that would be fine” Not thinking he would take that literally but even so, thought he would at least be up watching TV with me, keeping me company, cuddling, something… not sleeping.

We had just enough time to go run errands, grocery shop, come back, and get ready for his dinner party that night. He was doing all of the cooking so he would need plenty of time to do that before then.

It’s around 6 by this time and I was bored…so I said “can I have a drink?” He says “Wow, didn’t know you were such an alcoholic”

Really??!!! Is that the pot smoker calling the kettle black? (yeah he smokes weed) Give me a break dude. I said: “I’m on vacation” and well, it wasn’t like we were going anywhere any way. –SO BRING ON THE DRINKS!

His friends show up; great people. We are conversing, drinking, laughing, just having a nice time. We all were at this point. Great food; oh yeah the guy can cook, like it’s his job-wow, sooo good, great atmosphere. I’m happy now because well, everyone is engaging with each other. I was getting to know his friends, what they did for a living, how they knew my guy, and I was telling them about myself. I even told them about my blog.

They would comment once in a while about how he would go into the other room to get on the internet instead of being with us…one of his friends said “you should make sure to right about THAT! He should be in here with you…not looking up stuff online” I just laughed because I didn’t care….I had already gotten the impression he wasn’t interested in me romantically and besides, I had them to talk to. I was interested in getting to know them and them, me so I didn’t mind, though I did notice. His friends loved him to pieces though; not one bad thing to say about him as a person other than jokes and friendly jabs.

After ringing in the New Year, we head to a bar and met some of his friends there too. Again, no one had one bad thing to say. In fact, praise all around. Encouraging me in fact, “he’s such a nice guy, not a ladies man at all, so super sweet” "What I'm sorry, so super sleepy?" "No, sweet, sweeeeeet" "Oh, oh I see"

I’m having a great time…there are people! I got a nice little taste of his city and I was thoroughly enjoying myself. I guess it was nice for him too because he didn’t have to babysit me…I'm pretty good at making friends on my own. The time at the bar was short lived. Bar shut down shortly after we got there. We go home and I went to bed… alone… at around 6 in the morning. I think he stayed up on the internet.

The next day or later that day rather, his cousin invited us to brunch.

On our 35 minute drive; not much conversation….oh well. Once we get to brunch, I met his cousin, his cousin’s wife, and their two adorable kids. We sat at the table and it wasn’t long before I was conversing with everyone and I felt pretty comfortable. The cousins invite us to their home. We must have spent at least 4 hours there. My guy, myself, and his cousins were just talking, and it was fun. They were amazing people. I was a little sad to leave. I wish I could have packed them in my suitcase and brought them back to San Diego. I gave them big hugs when I left.

We get in the car and silence again on the way home. At this point, I was just used to it.

When we get back we actually spent a little time together and he told me he had gotten a text from his cousin saying how great, funny, smart, and pretty I was. So nice I thought…so why didn’t he see that?

I had such an easy time with everyone …and I mean everyone I met while on this trip. We would talk, laugh, talk more, and it was all so easy…just natural conversation, so why not with him?

I was sad to figure that his cousins and friends knew more about me in one day than he even bothered to get to know in four.

Maybe he feels like he’s always “on” for people, always having to entertain, and with me, he didn’t have to do all that…..I don’t know, may never know as we didn’t communicate much.

Disappointed, my time there was now running out…and it didn’t seem to bother him at all.

In the morning, I got up, got ready, we hugged like buddies and I left.

He asked for me to text when I got home. I did, did NOT hear back from him at all. Not that I expected to.

I don’t get it really. Why I ignored my instincts, why I refused to believe he wasn’t interested, long before I went over there. Why do we do this? Why do we try anyway? Maybe because we are hopeful, and we never really know the outcome, and are hoping for the best, guess that's all we can do anyway.

The whole time I was there I felt like more of a bother than anything. He had this energy about him this time and I just felt like I was in his way. He seemed frustrated most of the time I was there.

At one point on New Years Eve, I had actually looked up flights to leave one day earlier than I was supposed to. That’s how much I felt like I was bothering him. There was even a point where I got hungry but hesitated to ask him if I could order some take out…or something! Usually when you have guests you make sure they aren’t going hungry right?? It all left me wondering if he was just counting down to the moment I left.

But why introduce me to your friends and family? Well, I also figured that some guys just don’t think that’s a big deal. It’s fine. So he thought I was just a girl, where he thought just by me going there was enough. No need to woo me at all I guess.

Mother fucker, fuck you, shut the fuck up. All in my vocabulary, but please don't address me with them ever. He never said them in a rude way, I'm just not comfortable with those words towards me though. You can say them to other people...just not at me. Again, maybe how New Yorkers talk? Not something I want to get used to, and yet another sign he wasn't romantically interested.

I was torn for a bit because though he didn’t really want much to do with me on an intellectual level, there were some undeniable tender moments, moments where he was vulnerable and I enjoyed that, and to be that comfortable around someone is hard to find. In fact, to find someone to be able to just “be” with is hard to find….

I didn’t need much, but maybe if he would have been interested in getting to know me, or maybe just actually being with me instead of sleeping, or being pre-occupied with whatever else he had going on…that would have been enough.

I mean, when his friends came over, and while at his cousins, I didn’t need to be anywhere else….

I didn’t go out there expecting to create a relationship, but I thought we could at least continue on the connection I was thinking was still there. I didn’t think he would make it so abundantly clear that he wasn't trying to get attached, and make it so clear that he didn't want a relationship either.

Once I got the impression he wasn’t trying at all, I stopped trying too. I gave up pretty much talking all together. I would say random things here and there which I am sure made me look like an idiot. Complete silence then: “Look at the pretty snow!”…silence. "Wow, really?" he must have thought. Well at least she can help me clean and grocery shop…good little Mexican.

I could have brought it up to him. I could have asked him about why he wasn’t really trying to get to know me. I could have asked a million things. But why, when it’s that clear that he’s not romantically interested?

Maybe he’s jaded by women, and he feels at this point no matter how little he tries the women will come around anyway (As I’m sure they do) So he doesn’t have to try. As he gets further in his career the adoration from all around increases as well, and well, there are tons of beautiful women out there.

For a little while, I even forgot about what he did for a living, I cared only to get to know him as a person, maybe that that's not what he was looking for though.He could be in a place where he enjoys the attention from random women, as he makes his way up the career ladder...Just hope he remembers it can get lonely at the top.

I could sit and analyze this thing forever but I have too much to offer,and my time is too precious to worry about why he didn't like me so in my best New York accent: "It's not my prwablem"

Are You Into Fitness?

I have heard back from many men after the last post. I understand that it may be hard to address their women and the fact that they aren't giving them head or aren't doing it enough...

I can make this part pretty simple for you.

Just ask her: "Are you into fitness?" (The answer is either yes or no. Either response will work for this)

She says, yes or no. Then you say: "Then how bout fit n dis dick in yer mouth?"

Heyohhhhh! If that doesn't work...I don't know what will!

Downtown..Things Will Be Great When You're Downtown"

Sex in my opinion is an extremely important part of a relationship…if not THE most important thing. That includes GOING DOWN.

In fact, it should be first date conversation: “How many brothers and sisters, do you have? Do you go down? You don’t? Ok, nice meeting you.” That’s right….if you don’t go down, that is cause for dismissal before even being hired! Why even date someone who doesn’t? I sure as hell wouldn’t.

I am focusing on women in this post because my girlfriend and I had a conversation over lunch and could not believe we have actually encountered women that don’t do this, or even like doing it! Also, I have found the specific words to come from the mouths of some women to be “It’s gross” (Disclaimer: I am not a fan of these women).

I don’t think I have ever met a guy who thinks it’s gross…. Oh wait, my gay friends.

How is it gross? What are we 12? As far as I’m concerned if you are an adult, it shouldn’t gross you out. It’s not nasty. It’s hot. And if you think otherwise, you should probably get that checked out…

I have heard stories…and it saddens me. “My girlfriend/wife doesn’t like it. She thinks it’s gross.” My response to a married friend of mine was “and you actually MARRIED this woman?” You should know well in advance if she’s going to perform oral sex on you…before she’s even your girlfriend you should get the answer to that one. It’s best to get it out of the way and ask up front…why even wait to see? I mean when you buy a car, do you ask about the features AFTER you buy?

I don’t like selfish women. I have a problem with being friends with women like this, why? Because I feel like women have come so far in trying to be independent and having the upper hand in business and in our personal lives. You should have your business in line and in check and, your man pleased so he does not care to wander. Just cover all of your bases.

Now if you are asking….Why should you do this for your man? Because it feels good to him! You want him to feel good don’t you? You like receiving it don’t you? But you don’t like to give it? You suck….but not literally I guess. Something’s wrong with you. Oh wait, you don’t care if you get it either? Something’s still wrong with you.

I mean, tis better to give than receive right?

Ladies, you should enjoy going down on your man. If anything, it should turn you on, that it turns him on. I don’t know of a guy that doesn’t like getting head. If he acts like doesn’t like it or care for it…bottom line…it’s because you’re doing it wrong!

If you aren’t good at it…take a class, ask a girlfriend…ask your man how he likes it and then as the saying goes “ Practice makes Perfect” The effort alone I assure you will be appreciated.

One thing I can’t stand is a selfish person. Don’t be that guy or girl that expects to get it but not give it.

Sex, oral included, should be fun…and of course most importantly….PLEASURABLE! I know we think guys can be super simple and just intercourse alone should be good for them, but guys LOOOOVE head…they just do. So just give it to them because 9 out of 10 times, he’s more than happy to give it to you!

I have heard of Women thinking he will lose respect for her if she gets too freaky….

I read this article and paid particular attention to Myth #5 The “Madonna Whore” portion http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating-advice/671330. A guy (that is not gay) is going to want you to explore that sexy, hot side of the relationship and doesn’t want you to be afraid. Trust that he wants you to be sexual and freaky in bed with him.

It is not wrong, gross, or otherwise. Oral sex is just as important as intercourse. Your excuses of not wanting to do it, get tiring and you don’t want your man going elsewhere for it..do you?

Ladies, get right on this if you aren’t already…or just…get left.

This gets me thinking of the Dr. Seuss rhyme to get it through your heads…to give head to get ahead…in your relationship.

You may start as the skeptical “Sam I am” but with some time and practice….

You will be saying….

"I do! I do like giving head. I do like it in my bed, I do like it by the shed, I do like it in my house. I do like it on the couch, I do like it with my spouse. I do like it in my car. I do like it near or far, I do like it here, or there, I do like giving head anywhere.…."

Even if you think it’s a “job” and tedious, tiring, and gross. DO IT anyway. Keep doing it…until you like it.

Try it, try it in a tree, try it, try it and you will see….

That’s not Dr. Seuss kids….that’s Dr. SeDuss. Enjoy his “green eggs and ham” just remember it’s your job to make sure his “eggs” don’t turn blue.

Too Much Too Soon?

When it comes to honesty, is there a such thing as too much too soon? The 25 yr old and I went out on ONE date and he has not stopped going on and on about how much he's intrigued and likes me but....not enough to wait I guess.

He confessed to sleeping with someone yesterday. We aren't together, he didn't owe me any kind of explanation, confession...again, we went out ONCE.

Is this just him showing his age because he was like a little horny dog that couldn't invest time with me and wait to see if it would lead to intimacy? Or did he do the right thing by doing more than most Men would by coming clean though we are not a couple at all? I don't know...I can't help but be turned off by his actions though I do respect his honesty. Where does one go from here? Wondering if I have something special here or if this is a douche bag for the books...my normal "I don't put up with SHIT" feeling is telling me....he can't keep it in his pants.

Honest Abe

I just got back on Match.com. If for nothing else, thought it would provide with more writing material. Well, Match does NOT disappoint. I haven't even gone on a date yet and I already have some writing material.

A while ago....long while ago..I'm talking maybe 3 years ago. I went on a date with someone from match. We had a drink or two, a few laughs; nothing more. We talked after the date but his schedule was so busy we never had the chance to meet up again. No big deal, no major sparks, so no loss.

I never thought about that guy again. In fact completely forgot about our date.

I get back on match, just recently, and so was he. He decided to say hi:

"Round 2 huh LoLo? Just wanted to say hi"

I responded with: "Round 2? More like round, 3,4 and 5 lol"

He responded with this: "Can I take you out for a drink again?"

I had to think, we went out on a date? It was so long ago I didn't remember and well, the date must have not been that good because it didn't stick out in my mind to remember either.

So I responded with this:


"Again? We went out for a drink? Wait, I vaguely remember that... so that can't be good. And the fact that it's been THAT long before you asked me out again....can't be a good thing either."

I had to really think, did I go out with him already? I remember laughing a lot. Come to think of it though, I'm always laughing. So wait a minute, am I the only one having a great time on these dates? Have I learned to entertain myself so well that I'm not concerned if they are having fun or not?

I digress...

I didn't know if he would respond. He did.

THIS was his response, word for word:

"I understand and you're totally justified - let me splain. You see this is my round 2, I dated a girl I met off of here shortly after we went on our date - for over a year and a half, and then even though she was on the pill I somehow managed to get her pregnant. I didn't want to have any more kids and she did so things got really messed up when I asked her to get an A-word. Eventually I wore her down and she went through with the procedure but we ended the relationship a couple of months after...It was brutal!

Tres Mujeres stuff huh?

You're gorgeous and smart and you seemed really driven, but you seemed a little detatched and aloof during our date - and that's cool cause that's how I am and despite all that I had a good time because you're like the female version of me. Cirumstances just led me in a different direction that's all. "

I didn't know what to say. I didn't respond. Don't plan to. On to the next....

Wow. I can't imagine being that girl. How awful to have to deal with a guy like that. Maybe it's just me but there seems to be a tone like "can you believe this chick wanted to have children! The nerve!"

He was honest...a little too honest but I am grateful that he was. I can respect that he was, but from that email I know he's not for me. I am all for having fun, but what if it did go into a long relationship and I ended up being that girl. That would put me in therapy for sure. To have a man tell you "I don't want this baby, though you do, get rid of it" would be beyond traumatizing.

I'm just glad that wasn't me. I don't know what kind of parent I will be. I do want kids though. I will start with one...keep the receipt in case it doesn't work out lol...and go from there. Unless I am not meant to have children, no one other than Mother Nature herself will tell me I will not have kids.

If you are man enough to stick your dick in a girl...be man enough to deal with the responsibilities. The next time you have sex with someone unprotected....think "Do I want children with this person?"

I am not against abortion. I do however, have a problem with people who use abortion as birth control. Grow the fuck up and "wrap it BEFORE you tap it" Ladies, think about who you are lying down with. Sex IS a big deal and sometimes, shit happens. Is that person going to stick by your decision, should something happen? Or "wear you down" to do what they want?